Saturday, October 02, 2010
YouTube - Soculitherz's Channel#p/a/u/0/13Ez-QHiEq0#p/a/u/0/13Ez-QHiEq0
'A Sting in the Tail' (Dark Secret Part Two) Here's the second animated extract from the best selling satire and 'Be your own Boss' guide 'Stripping for Freedom'. Enjoy.
YouTube - Soculitherz's Channel#p/a/u/0/13Ez-QHiEq0#p/a/u/0/13Ez-QHiEq0
YouTube - Soculitherz's Channel#p/a/u/0/13Ez-QHiEq0#p/a/u/0/13Ez-QHiEq0
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
UK's New Sheeprentices Scheme
UPDATE ON SHEEP ENTREPRENEUR APPRENTICESHIP SCHEME IN THE UK
From: Leonora Soculitherz – a cave in the Yukon (just a precaution fans)
Sunday, January 24th 2010
Dear Fans and Followers,
I received a letter from my hapless and hopeless UK agent, Tony Robinson (TR), today. I'd like to share it with you as it shows that nothing much has changed for the better in the UK since I left last summer, apart from, of course, that Stripping for Freedom 2nd edition was published there this month.
A word of explanation. As my readers will know, TR is not only a hopeless agent, an uncoordinated danger (to hair and frocks) at dinners, parties and receptions but he is also a past master at mangling the English language. I'm sure that no-one has understood what he's said for years. This makes it all the stranger that he acts as a consultant to Oxbridge educated, well dressed, London based, senior civil servants. I've always suspected that they write his reports and recommendations to themselves and of course he's dirt cheap – enough money for a cinder toffee ice cream and a pint of Black Sheep and he's anybody's.
Talking of sheep that is why he wrote to me. He was seeking my advice. Why he expects to me know anything about sheep puzzles me but my best guess is that he confuses Canadians, like me, with New Zealanders. As he will never visit either place, has no spatial awareness and a pathetic grasp of what inhabits planet earth it is unlikely he will appreciate that there is a difference in size between the two countries, some distance between them and that the Arctic polar bear is unlikely to be found in Christchurch or the kiwi in Toronto.
The reason he was seeking my advice on sheep is that he has set up a 'School for Entrepreneurial Sheep' near Goathland (he probably thought this sounded appropriate) on the N. Yorkshire Moors. How he came to win this government funded contract to train enterprise skills and know how to sheep may be surprising to you but it is not surprising to me.
Apparently some government departments had an underspend (amazing really after all the £billions they've used up supporting big companies in handouts, training and the Private Finance Initiative schemes). The priorities like expense/allowance claims, second homes, pensions, city bonuses, ex Ministers top 500 consultancies and Iraq damage limitation inquiries had all been dealt with and so some speculative new programmes could now be funded.
TR had been to see them about enterprise apprenticeships in the land-based industries. I suspect he'd been interested in farmers' sons and daughters setting up micro breweries but as usual his inability to speak English completely confused his potential clients. What he left the meeting with was a short term contract, to be completed this financial year (March 31st), to pilot an enterprise academy for farm animals, starting with sheep.
Apparently, when TR had, probably hopefully, thrown the words 'supply chain' into the conversation the civil servants thought he'd come up with a novel idea of a reverse supply chain. Simply put this would get the animals which provide the end products (wool, beef, bacon, milk, eggs, turkey) to gain more entrepreneurial skills and then teach these skills up line to the farmer, and the farmer to the abattoir manager, and so on, eventually reaching the Tesco and McDonalds directors and finally Government Ministers. Who would know more about innovation, risk taking, increasing productivity and better value for money for customers than the animal itself? Here's TR's letter to me:
A School - somewhere in North Yorkshire - Thursday 21st January 2010
Dear Leonora,
My first sheeprentices have arrived but I'm not convinced they quite have the right attitude for entrepreneurship - sheepish isn't the kind of outgoing behaviour we were looking for. The little lambs seem to have more get up and go – but they've gone and I don't know where. Anyway, any advice you can give would be welcome as Ofsted are inspecting in a week's time. Hopefully, by then, they'll at least have learned to sit still at their desks.
They look startled all the time - is that normal? They seem to only know the first two letters of the alphabet and in the reverse order. It's going to be a long job to get them ready to do their pitch on Dragons' Den and I'm not even going to mention the word dragon at this stage. Sir Alan Sugar will be a bit frustrated with them, on his show, as even when you split them up into different teams they all go off together and intermingle. No obvious leaders up to now.
I've taken the advice of a local farmer to try to keep them in line with the threat of mint sauce and a salsa dip but as I can't understand much of his Yorkshire accent, this far North in Yorkshire, I've no idea why. I don't think my dream of becoming the Farm Animal Enterprise Tsar is going to happen. My brief was a bit woolly from the start and I wasn't sure about the local Business Link diagnostic to select the candidates.
Any help will be greatly appreciated
Your faithful, and honoured, literary agent,
Tony Robinson OBE
From: Leonora Soculitherz – a cave in the Yukon (just a precaution fans)
Sunday, January 24th 2010
Dear Fans and Followers,
I received a letter from my hapless and hopeless UK agent, Tony Robinson (TR), today. I'd like to share it with you as it shows that nothing much has changed for the better in the UK since I left last summer, apart from, of course, that Stripping for Freedom 2nd edition was published there this month.
A word of explanation. As my readers will know, TR is not only a hopeless agent, an uncoordinated danger (to hair and frocks) at dinners, parties and receptions but he is also a past master at mangling the English language. I'm sure that no-one has understood what he's said for years. This makes it all the stranger that he acts as a consultant to Oxbridge educated, well dressed, London based, senior civil servants. I've always suspected that they write his reports and recommendations to themselves and of course he's dirt cheap – enough money for a cinder toffee ice cream and a pint of Black Sheep and he's anybody's.
Talking of sheep that is why he wrote to me. He was seeking my advice. Why he expects to me know anything about sheep puzzles me but my best guess is that he confuses Canadians, like me, with New Zealanders. As he will never visit either place, has no spatial awareness and a pathetic grasp of what inhabits planet earth it is unlikely he will appreciate that there is a difference in size between the two countries, some distance between them and that the Arctic polar bear is unlikely to be found in Christchurch or the kiwi in Toronto.
The reason he was seeking my advice on sheep is that he has set up a 'School for Entrepreneurial Sheep' near Goathland (he probably thought this sounded appropriate) on the N. Yorkshire Moors. How he came to win this government funded contract to train enterprise skills and know how to sheep may be surprising to you but it is not surprising to me.
Apparently some government departments had an underspend (amazing really after all the £billions they've used up supporting big companies in handouts, training and the Private Finance Initiative schemes). The priorities like expense/allowance claims, second homes, pensions, city bonuses, ex Ministers top 500 consultancies and Iraq damage limitation inquiries had all been dealt with and so some speculative new programmes could now be funded.
TR had been to see them about enterprise apprenticeships in the land-based industries. I suspect he'd been interested in farmers' sons and daughters setting up micro breweries but as usual his inability to speak English completely confused his potential clients. What he left the meeting with was a short term contract, to be completed this financial year (March 31st), to pilot an enterprise academy for farm animals, starting with sheep.
Apparently, when TR had, probably hopefully, thrown the words 'supply chain' into the conversation the civil servants thought he'd come up with a novel idea of a reverse supply chain. Simply put this would get the animals which provide the end products (wool, beef, bacon, milk, eggs, turkey) to gain more entrepreneurial skills and then teach these skills up line to the farmer, and the farmer to the abattoir manager, and so on, eventually reaching the Tesco and McDonalds directors and finally Government Ministers. Who would know more about innovation, risk taking, increasing productivity and better value for money for customers than the animal itself? Here's TR's letter to me:
A School - somewhere in North Yorkshire - Thursday 21st January 2010
Dear Leonora,
My first sheeprentices have arrived but I'm not convinced they quite have the right attitude for entrepreneurship - sheepish isn't the kind of outgoing behaviour we were looking for. The little lambs seem to have more get up and go – but they've gone and I don't know where. Anyway, any advice you can give would be welcome as Ofsted are inspecting in a week's time. Hopefully, by then, they'll at least have learned to sit still at their desks.
They look startled all the time - is that normal? They seem to only know the first two letters of the alphabet and in the reverse order. It's going to be a long job to get them ready to do their pitch on Dragons' Den and I'm not even going to mention the word dragon at this stage. Sir Alan Sugar will be a bit frustrated with them, on his show, as even when you split them up into different teams they all go off together and intermingle. No obvious leaders up to now.
I've taken the advice of a local farmer to try to keep them in line with the threat of mint sauce and a salsa dip but as I can't understand much of his Yorkshire accent, this far North in Yorkshire, I've no idea why. I don't think my dream of becoming the Farm Animal Enterprise Tsar is going to happen. My brief was a bit woolly from the start and I wasn't sure about the local Business Link diagnostic to select the candidates.
Any help will be greatly appreciated
Your faithful, and honoured, literary agent,
Tony Robinson OBE
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009
Ministers' Speeches Automatic Translator Launched
The Soculitherz patented, automatic, simultaneous translator (in hot pink) of Ministers’ speeches for Senior Civil Servants.
As part of the government speed and efficiency drive, which lasts several months up to the announcement of the next election, Ministers have found a way of reducing the time they need to spend with their senior civil servants. Ministers have commissioned Canadian celebrity, fashionista, investigative journalist and absurd British rituals analyst, Leonora Soculitherz, to devise ‘a process to deliver’ automatic, simultaneous translations of their speeches This will enable senior civil servants to understand immediately what was meant by the phrases used.
Ms Soculitherz was regarded as ideal for this job as a) she is expensive and a celebrity b) she is reclusive, is abroad and speaks French i.e. the press can’t interview her, and, c) she has spent a lot of time following the language and habits of the UK’s leadership species in their own environment. This includes politicians and senior civil servants in historical, posh and privileged gaffs, UK financial sector executives in either casinos or lap dancing clubs and fat cat, major employers getting fatter from handouts in historical, posh and privileged gaffs, casinos and lap dancing clubs.
Government are so pleased with Ms Soculitherz’s patented, simultaneous translator (in hot pink) that they have allowed her hapless but only authorised UK agent, Tony Robinson, to post this BBC report on today’s announced ‘Government Spending Cut Backs’ to show how it works. The automatic, simultaneous translation for the senior civil servants is in bold.
Brown promises action on 'excessive' public sector pay
Gordon Brown outlined the plan for spending cuts at the Royal Society in London
Gordon Brown has said overpaid public sector workers will be "named and shamed" (don’t worry this is v. unlikely - only applies to those criticising our policies or track record) in efforts to deliver more value for money in public services.
Ahead of Wednesday's pre-Budget report, the PM said "efficiency savings" (‘efficiency’ means ‘hypothetical’ throughout i.e. budgets for projects we would have spent if we had not decided not to spend anything or any more on these projects plus we’ve added a bit more hypothetical savings on top - using numbers that are really, really easy for us all to add up or divide) would help to save £12bn over four years - £3bn more than planned in the Budget.
‘Crime maps’ and ‘online school reports’ will be used to cut overheads as Labour tries to halve the Budget deficit (just routine tech gobbledygook – again don’t worry they’re just a repackaging of electronic data we’ve got already – we’ve got more data on everyone than any other country in the world which is why we can afford to lose so much of it on trains, planes and taxis – hee, hee..).
The Conservatives say the government is not being straight on the cuts needed.
The government has delayed its planned ‘comprehensive spending review’ until after a general election (whenever you see the word ‘review’ this relates to a distant point in time by which time the need for a review will have been overtaken by other events.)
'Culture of excess'
In the pre-Budget report, Mr Darling is expected to confirm annual borrowing will ‘top £175bn’ - which the government has promised to halve within four years (the word ‘top’ is an indicator to you that the figures have been inflated but are still really, really easy to add up or divide – they’re so big no-one understands how we guessed them in the first place and we always add on the odd £25 billion so that we can show a big improvement through cuts & savings).
In his speech in central London, Mr Brown said ministers had identified ‘£3bn in additional efficiency savings’ since the Budget in April. (we thought 3 was a great number – spooky I know - but if you divide 9 by 3 you get 3 so we added another 3 to get 12) Of that, ‘£1.3bn over four years’ (again it’s all in the maths using the lucky number 3 – our fave of the really, really easy numbers - so if you divide the 12 by 3 you get 4 then divide the 4 by 3 and you get 1.3 – hey presto) would be achieved by streamlining central government, he said, indicating that certain ‘programmes would have to be delayed or abandoned’ (ie. hypothetical programmes we never could have afforded we’ve now saved by delaying or abandoning what we were never going to do).
Government spending on ‘consultants’ would be cut by half and communication spending by a quarter - saving £650m - while more Civil Service staff would be relocated from London to "cheaper" premises. (please, please don’t worry the consultants or the staff – basically before anything happens to staff or consultants there has to be a ‘review’ and the consultant’s charges will be hidden within the £60 million costs of each relocation plus the hypothetical staff savings)
Whitehall departments could set up "common spending policies" (we may have to use less consultants and companies to deliver our programmes but give each one of them a lot more money each – this continues our current procurement practice to save the bother of having too many small suppliers – all getting too little from us) and ‘share office space’ (we’ll have a lot of empty space in the new premises we buy for relocation and the old premises we can’t get rid of – it’ll be a bit of a muddle for a while) , as part of a "third generation of changes in public services" (we kept to our overall theme of 3 as in 3rd – don’t worry there wasn’t a 1st and 2nd that you missed).
In its report, Putting The Frontline First, the government points out there are now 4,300 senior civil servants compared with 3,100 in the mid-1990s. (yes, we know, we rounded up again which is always best when you’re rushing – if you divide 3,100 by 3 you get 1033 – so the real, hypothetical number of current senior civil servants – no-one will ask us how we defined ‘senior’ - should have been 4,233)
Mr Brown said public sector workers earning an "over-generous" (we haven’t found any of these yet) salary would be "named and shamed" (see above – don’t worry if you’re on our side), as many had "lost touch" (if we do find any then there must be some other perks and kick backs that they’re getting that the rest of us aren’t - this kind of unsharing, ungiving abnormality will not be tolerated (except in former leading public servants).
In future, all new public sector jobs with salaries above £150,000 (i.e you’ll have to make do with the £129k to £147k current pay band until after the election but we’ll see what we can do on allowances),will have to be approved by the Treasury while the details of civil servants and other public sector managers under direct ministerial control currently earning that amount will be published.
Government would use technological advances to make services more user-friendly and cheaper. As an example, ‘sending text messages to remind patients about GP appointments could help save up to £600m a year wasted on missed visits.’ (I know, I know - we will need a team of crack £147k p.a. leading public servants to set up a Sector Skills Council - Skills4GP&Patient Texting so that we can pay leading consultants to devise training methods for massive training companies, from overseas, to deliver to GPs and patients so that no-one inadvertently texts ‘u’ll b dead 11 tmrw – dr T’ instead of ‘u’ll b due at 11 tmrw – dr T’)
Finis
As part of the government speed and efficiency drive, which lasts several months up to the announcement of the next election, Ministers have found a way of reducing the time they need to spend with their senior civil servants. Ministers have commissioned Canadian celebrity, fashionista, investigative journalist and absurd British rituals analyst, Leonora Soculitherz, to devise ‘a process to deliver’ automatic, simultaneous translations of their speeches This will enable senior civil servants to understand immediately what was meant by the phrases used.
Ms Soculitherz was regarded as ideal for this job as a) she is expensive and a celebrity b) she is reclusive, is abroad and speaks French i.e. the press can’t interview her, and, c) she has spent a lot of time following the language and habits of the UK’s leadership species in their own environment. This includes politicians and senior civil servants in historical, posh and privileged gaffs, UK financial sector executives in either casinos or lap dancing clubs and fat cat, major employers getting fatter from handouts in historical, posh and privileged gaffs, casinos and lap dancing clubs.
Government are so pleased with Ms Soculitherz’s patented, simultaneous translator (in hot pink) that they have allowed her hapless but only authorised UK agent, Tony Robinson, to post this BBC report on today’s announced ‘Government Spending Cut Backs’ to show how it works. The automatic, simultaneous translation for the senior civil servants is in bold.
Brown promises action on 'excessive' public sector pay
Gordon Brown outlined the plan for spending cuts at the Royal Society in London
Gordon Brown has said overpaid public sector workers will be "named and shamed" (don’t worry this is v. unlikely - only applies to those criticising our policies or track record) in efforts to deliver more value for money in public services.
Ahead of Wednesday's pre-Budget report, the PM said "efficiency savings" (‘efficiency’ means ‘hypothetical’ throughout i.e. budgets for projects we would have spent if we had not decided not to spend anything or any more on these projects plus we’ve added a bit more hypothetical savings on top - using numbers that are really, really easy for us all to add up or divide) would help to save £12bn over four years - £3bn more than planned in the Budget.
‘Crime maps’ and ‘online school reports’ will be used to cut overheads as Labour tries to halve the Budget deficit (just routine tech gobbledygook – again don’t worry they’re just a repackaging of electronic data we’ve got already – we’ve got more data on everyone than any other country in the world which is why we can afford to lose so much of it on trains, planes and taxis – hee, hee..).
The Conservatives say the government is not being straight on the cuts needed.
The government has delayed its planned ‘comprehensive spending review’ until after a general election (whenever you see the word ‘review’ this relates to a distant point in time by which time the need for a review will have been overtaken by other events.)
'Culture of excess'
In the pre-Budget report, Mr Darling is expected to confirm annual borrowing will ‘top £175bn’ - which the government has promised to halve within four years (the word ‘top’ is an indicator to you that the figures have been inflated but are still really, really easy to add up or divide – they’re so big no-one understands how we guessed them in the first place and we always add on the odd £25 billion so that we can show a big improvement through cuts & savings).
In his speech in central London, Mr Brown said ministers had identified ‘£3bn in additional efficiency savings’ since the Budget in April. (we thought 3 was a great number – spooky I know - but if you divide 9 by 3 you get 3 so we added another 3 to get 12) Of that, ‘£1.3bn over four years’ (again it’s all in the maths using the lucky number 3 – our fave of the really, really easy numbers - so if you divide the 12 by 3 you get 4 then divide the 4 by 3 and you get 1.3 – hey presto) would be achieved by streamlining central government, he said, indicating that certain ‘programmes would have to be delayed or abandoned’ (ie. hypothetical programmes we never could have afforded we’ve now saved by delaying or abandoning what we were never going to do).
Government spending on ‘consultants’ would be cut by half and communication spending by a quarter - saving £650m - while more Civil Service staff would be relocated from London to "cheaper" premises. (please, please don’t worry the consultants or the staff – basically before anything happens to staff or consultants there has to be a ‘review’ and the consultant’s charges will be hidden within the £60 million costs of each relocation plus the hypothetical staff savings)
Whitehall departments could set up "common spending policies" (we may have to use less consultants and companies to deliver our programmes but give each one of them a lot more money each – this continues our current procurement practice to save the bother of having too many small suppliers – all getting too little from us) and ‘share office space’ (we’ll have a lot of empty space in the new premises we buy for relocation and the old premises we can’t get rid of – it’ll be a bit of a muddle for a while) , as part of a "third generation of changes in public services" (we kept to our overall theme of 3 as in 3rd – don’t worry there wasn’t a 1st and 2nd that you missed).
In its report, Putting The Frontline First, the government points out there are now 4,300 senior civil servants compared with 3,100 in the mid-1990s. (yes, we know, we rounded up again which is always best when you’re rushing – if you divide 3,100 by 3 you get 1033 – so the real, hypothetical number of current senior civil servants – no-one will ask us how we defined ‘senior’ - should have been 4,233)
Mr Brown said public sector workers earning an "over-generous" (we haven’t found any of these yet) salary would be "named and shamed" (see above – don’t worry if you’re on our side), as many had "lost touch" (if we do find any then there must be some other perks and kick backs that they’re getting that the rest of us aren’t - this kind of unsharing, ungiving abnormality will not be tolerated (except in former leading public servants).
In future, all new public sector jobs with salaries above £150,000 (i.e you’ll have to make do with the £129k to £147k current pay band until after the election but we’ll see what we can do on allowances),will have to be approved by the Treasury while the details of civil servants and other public sector managers under direct ministerial control currently earning that amount will be published.
Government would use technological advances to make services more user-friendly and cheaper. As an example, ‘sending text messages to remind patients about GP appointments could help save up to £600m a year wasted on missed visits.’ (I know, I know - we will need a team of crack £147k p.a. leading public servants to set up a Sector Skills Council - Skills4GP&Patient Texting so that we can pay leading consultants to devise training methods for massive training companies, from overseas, to deliver to GPs and patients so that no-one inadvertently texts ‘u’ll b dead 11 tmrw – dr T’ instead of ‘u’ll b due at 11 tmrw – dr T’)
Finis
Monday, August 03, 2009
ONE NIGHT IN TORONTO
ONE NIGHT IN TORONTO
(The big ‘Stripping for Freedom’ interview is in three parts – this is part one)
What follows is the transcript of an exclusive interview which took place on the evening of August 1st 2009 in celebration of Yorkshire day. This interview with Canadian celebrity, fashionista and style guru, Leonora Soculitherz was obtained after painstaking negotiations with her only authorised and official UK Literary Agent, Tony Robinson (aka Nord Baldrick - in Scandinavian countries). Ms Soculitherz has refused all visitors and interviews since returning to Canada after her latest, very stressful, investigative assignment in the UK. This assignment is described in her new, unputdownable, ultimate page turner – ‘Stripping for Freedom’. Ms Soculitherz insisted on an e-mail interview with her in Toronto and Mr Robinson in Scarborough, or further away from her if he could manage it.
TR: This was the first time you’ve been to the UK since working with me in your 2004 book ‘Buzzing with the Entrepreneurs’ – have you seen many changes in those five years?
LS: In London I was surprised at how invisible the self employed and small business owners are to government policy and how the fat cats and leading politicians are allowed to just get fatter, considering everything they touch turns to dust. Plus I noticed that there are even more people wearing fleeces in Scarborough. I never imagined that any of these things were possible.
TR: Why did it take you so long to come back to the UK?
LS: It wasn’t for a shortage of offers from my publisher to do another investigative assignment in the UK. It was really just down to the fact that I couldn’t face the prospect of working with you again.
TR: What changed your mind?
LS: I was told that you’d found God and were less bizarre. Also it was a well paid, challenging assignment. The assignment certainly proved challenging but the description of you was a total lie. You hadn’t found God but a D…O…G, called Shaggy, in a Rescue Centre.
TR: Not fair. It is a faith that Shaggy and I share in backwards looking – it makes what’s in front of you more unexpected and exciting. Anyway, lots of people find new beliefs in later life. You’re just turning the big 40 - hasn’t your value set changed?
LS: Gee thanks for telling everyone. Delete that - next question?
TR: In ‘Stripping for Freedom’ for the first time, in one of your books, there is a love interest. Yet at the end of the book it is unclear whether you and ‘Awake the Volcano Within’ motivational guru, Ant Cracie, are still an item. Are you?
LS: No comment. These questions are rubbish - next?
TR: My follow up question to your answer to that last question would have been ‘Did you cry yourself to sleep like Peter Andre did after he split with Katie Price?’
LS: It would have been another rubbish question - I’ve never heard of these people!!!
TR: Well Katie Price was better known as a celebrity glamour model called Jordan renowned for her enhanced breasts which she’s now had slightly un-enhanced… she presents TV programmes and allows cameras into her home to see her relationship with her celebrity singer husband, which is just off, sings but can’t sing and writes best selling novels by audio and plays Polo as the celebrity Katie Price now – it’s a bit complicated really…..
LS: Look – you’re my agent. Ask me questions about ‘Stripping for Freedom’!!!!
TR: OK but I thought they were damn interesting questions. I’ve got one about everyone’s new fave, Lady Gaga, and that she puts her success down to the fact that she realised when she was stripping that people took more notice of her - but I suppose your book isn’t really about proper stripping is it?
LS: Well the whole book is an expose (joke). You’re right. I use the notion of stripping for a living, as told to me by my friend K, as a metaphor for what you need to do and know in order to escape your sad, corporate cubicle and go it alone in your own enterprise?
TR: Why did you only interview entrepreneurs that no-one has ever heard of?
LS: In a word – authenticity.
TR: Oh. What would you like a question on next? I’ve got one here on your fashion advice on Spanx and tights and leggings or on the all powerful global leadership network - Tochen?
LS: Tochen.
TR: OK then. Would I be right in saying that you regard the secretive, not so secret now, secret global network – Tochen – as being responsible for many of the secrets we’ve yet to explain or uncover?
LS: What?! Have you read my book? It’s not secret just because they don’t have a building or a logo. Everyone knows that the richest and most powerful people in the world meet together - often before they even become famous or really influential. For example, they meet together in societies at university or in groups linked to their political or religious beliefs. Collecting personal data is one of the things that they all have in common. This is one of the reasons why so many confidential, public databases are left lying around for anyone to find - they’re probably duplicates that they haven’t been able to swap amongst themselves to complete their collection. All I uncover is just how pervasive the ‘daddy network of them all’ is – Tochen.
TR: That’s OK then. I liked your fashion advice and descriptions of Scarborough seagulls better anyway. Finally to close this first part of our interview – in a word - to what do you put down the cult of Soculitherz?
LS: As your government would say - transparency
_____ End of Part One__
(The big ‘Stripping for Freedom’ interview is in three parts – this is part one)
What follows is the transcript of an exclusive interview which took place on the evening of August 1st 2009 in celebration of Yorkshire day. This interview with Canadian celebrity, fashionista and style guru, Leonora Soculitherz was obtained after painstaking negotiations with her only authorised and official UK Literary Agent, Tony Robinson (aka Nord Baldrick - in Scandinavian countries). Ms Soculitherz has refused all visitors and interviews since returning to Canada after her latest, very stressful, investigative assignment in the UK. This assignment is described in her new, unputdownable, ultimate page turner – ‘Stripping for Freedom’. Ms Soculitherz insisted on an e-mail interview with her in Toronto and Mr Robinson in Scarborough, or further away from her if he could manage it.
TR: This was the first time you’ve been to the UK since working with me in your 2004 book ‘Buzzing with the Entrepreneurs’ – have you seen many changes in those five years?
LS: In London I was surprised at how invisible the self employed and small business owners are to government policy and how the fat cats and leading politicians are allowed to just get fatter, considering everything they touch turns to dust. Plus I noticed that there are even more people wearing fleeces in Scarborough. I never imagined that any of these things were possible.
TR: Why did it take you so long to come back to the UK?
LS: It wasn’t for a shortage of offers from my publisher to do another investigative assignment in the UK. It was really just down to the fact that I couldn’t face the prospect of working with you again.
TR: What changed your mind?
LS: I was told that you’d found God and were less bizarre. Also it was a well paid, challenging assignment. The assignment certainly proved challenging but the description of you was a total lie. You hadn’t found God but a D…O…G, called Shaggy, in a Rescue Centre.
TR: Not fair. It is a faith that Shaggy and I share in backwards looking – it makes what’s in front of you more unexpected and exciting. Anyway, lots of people find new beliefs in later life. You’re just turning the big 40 - hasn’t your value set changed?
LS: Gee thanks for telling everyone. Delete that - next question?
TR: In ‘Stripping for Freedom’ for the first time, in one of your books, there is a love interest. Yet at the end of the book it is unclear whether you and ‘Awake the Volcano Within’ motivational guru, Ant Cracie, are still an item. Are you?
LS: No comment. These questions are rubbish - next?
TR: My follow up question to your answer to that last question would have been ‘Did you cry yourself to sleep like Peter Andre did after he split with Katie Price?’
LS: It would have been another rubbish question - I’ve never heard of these people!!!
TR: Well Katie Price was better known as a celebrity glamour model called Jordan renowned for her enhanced breasts which she’s now had slightly un-enhanced… she presents TV programmes and allows cameras into her home to see her relationship with her celebrity singer husband, which is just off, sings but can’t sing and writes best selling novels by audio and plays Polo as the celebrity Katie Price now – it’s a bit complicated really…..
LS: Look – you’re my agent. Ask me questions about ‘Stripping for Freedom’!!!!
TR: OK but I thought they were damn interesting questions. I’ve got one about everyone’s new fave, Lady Gaga, and that she puts her success down to the fact that she realised when she was stripping that people took more notice of her - but I suppose your book isn’t really about proper stripping is it?
LS: Well the whole book is an expose (joke). You’re right. I use the notion of stripping for a living, as told to me by my friend K, as a metaphor for what you need to do and know in order to escape your sad, corporate cubicle and go it alone in your own enterprise?
TR: Why did you only interview entrepreneurs that no-one has ever heard of?
LS: In a word – authenticity.
TR: Oh. What would you like a question on next? I’ve got one here on your fashion advice on Spanx and tights and leggings or on the all powerful global leadership network - Tochen?
LS: Tochen.
TR: OK then. Would I be right in saying that you regard the secretive, not so secret now, secret global network – Tochen – as being responsible for many of the secrets we’ve yet to explain or uncover?
LS: What?! Have you read my book? It’s not secret just because they don’t have a building or a logo. Everyone knows that the richest and most powerful people in the world meet together - often before they even become famous or really influential. For example, they meet together in societies at university or in groups linked to their political or religious beliefs. Collecting personal data is one of the things that they all have in common. This is one of the reasons why so many confidential, public databases are left lying around for anyone to find - they’re probably duplicates that they haven’t been able to swap amongst themselves to complete their collection. All I uncover is just how pervasive the ‘daddy network of them all’ is – Tochen.
TR: That’s OK then. I liked your fashion advice and descriptions of Scarborough seagulls better anyway. Finally to close this first part of our interview – in a word - to what do you put down the cult of Soculitherz?
LS: As your government would say - transparency
_____ End of Part One__
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Clare Francis reviews Stripping for Freedom
Soculitherz Returns To The UK And Exposes The Lot
Canadian fashionista, turned investigative journalist, Leonora Soculitherz returns to the UK with another very funny exposé. This time it is our fat cats, corporate clowns and insane politicians who are unclothed. Many celebrities are named and conspiracy theories abound.
Through a series of interviews with (completely unknown) ‘leading’ entrepreneurs, nearly a hundred 'Leonorisms' are gleaned. 'Leonorisms' are practical tips that will help you to swap your cubicle in the sad, bad, rat race for the freedom of running your own enterprise.
Ms Soculitherz's latest book tips her hat towards Gulliver's Travels.However, instead of describing fictitious beings in mythical places, she treats us to the wit and wisdom of real characters, many of whom reside in Europe, Britain and Yorkshire's government recognised 'Most Enterprising Place', Scarborough.
Along the way there are some surprisingly useful style tips - “Ankle boots can still be cool, but with leggings means pigs trotters” - is a maxim to which I heartily subscribe. However, I don't always agree with her snap judgements on people, such as “ always be wary of people with a forename for a surname”.
This time there is a love interest with a hunky American motivational guru. The hunky American and a secretive global network of the rich and powerful compete for her attention alongside her investigation into why our fat cats and politicians continue to get rich even though everything they touch turns to dust.
The reclusive Ms Soculitherz has now returned to Canada, leaving the promotion of her latest book in the hands of her long suffering/long suffered agent, Tony (not the famous one) Robinson. Robinson says: “I expect 'Stripping' to be really hot this Christmas. We're thinking of making it available to the over 50s only, as some of the content can lead to binge laughter, which is a serious health risk”.
Soculitherz has packed her book with bonus features, including useful websites to help you start your own enterprise and a massive glossary of useful leadership speak phrases to get you noticed by the fat cats and politicians. An example of a glossary entry is: “ Navel gazing: all fluff and nonsense”, or “Check we’re singing off the same hymnsheet: your alibi is best”'.
There is little upon which Soculitherz doesn’t feel free to sharpen her razor sharp tongue. If you’d like tips about relationships – “with men or furnishings, renovate rather than flat pack every time” – advice on how to get out of the rat race and in to your own business, or whether you’re just out for a humorous read, you’ll find something in this book for you.
Stripping for Freedom by Leonora Soculitherz is available direct at www.entrepreneursuk.com and on Amazon. All direct online orders to www.entrepreneursuk.com will ensure the book is personally signed by her agent, Tony Robinson OBE @ £9.95 ( plus postage and packaging) - just go to www.entrepreneursuk.com
Canadian fashionista, turned investigative journalist, Leonora Soculitherz returns to the UK with another very funny exposé. This time it is our fat cats, corporate clowns and insane politicians who are unclothed. Many celebrities are named and conspiracy theories abound.
Through a series of interviews with (completely unknown) ‘leading’ entrepreneurs, nearly a hundred 'Leonorisms' are gleaned. 'Leonorisms' are practical tips that will help you to swap your cubicle in the sad, bad, rat race for the freedom of running your own enterprise.
Ms Soculitherz's latest book tips her hat towards Gulliver's Travels.However, instead of describing fictitious beings in mythical places, she treats us to the wit and wisdom of real characters, many of whom reside in Europe, Britain and Yorkshire's government recognised 'Most Enterprising Place', Scarborough.
Along the way there are some surprisingly useful style tips - “Ankle boots can still be cool, but with leggings means pigs trotters” - is a maxim to which I heartily subscribe. However, I don't always agree with her snap judgements on people, such as “ always be wary of people with a forename for a surname”.
This time there is a love interest with a hunky American motivational guru. The hunky American and a secretive global network of the rich and powerful compete for her attention alongside her investigation into why our fat cats and politicians continue to get rich even though everything they touch turns to dust.
The reclusive Ms Soculitherz has now returned to Canada, leaving the promotion of her latest book in the hands of her long suffering/long suffered agent, Tony (not the famous one) Robinson. Robinson says: “I expect 'Stripping' to be really hot this Christmas. We're thinking of making it available to the over 50s only, as some of the content can lead to binge laughter, which is a serious health risk”.
Soculitherz has packed her book with bonus features, including useful websites to help you start your own enterprise and a massive glossary of useful leadership speak phrases to get you noticed by the fat cats and politicians. An example of a glossary entry is: “ Navel gazing: all fluff and nonsense”, or “Check we’re singing off the same hymnsheet: your alibi is best”'.
There is little upon which Soculitherz doesn’t feel free to sharpen her razor sharp tongue. If you’d like tips about relationships – “with men or furnishings, renovate rather than flat pack every time” – advice on how to get out of the rat race and in to your own business, or whether you’re just out for a humorous read, you’ll find something in this book for you.
Stripping for Freedom by Leonora Soculitherz is available direct at www.entrepreneursuk.com and on Amazon. All direct online orders to www.entrepreneursuk.com will ensure the book is personally signed by her agent, Tony Robinson OBE @ £9.95 ( plus postage and packaging) - just go to www.entrepreneursuk.com
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Stripping for Freedom Now Out
My latest book 'Stripping for Freedom' is out now, to rave reviews - naturally. If you order it from www.entrepreneursuk.com I promise to allow my idiot agent Tony Robinson to personally sign it for you on my behalf. If you want it without his signature then use Amazon.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Loving Stripping
Hi Leonora, Luv Stripping. Went to one of your 'Awake the Volcano Within' workshops but didn't understand the handshake stuff - could ya replay? Robbiexx
Leonora replies:
Thanks Robbie. Shaking hands with yourself releases vital entrepreneurial energy from the right side of the brain. This in turn enables the left side of the brain where dexterity, speed of thought and movement emanate from. You'll solve problems quicker and just fly between meetings. Shake hands with yourself regularly, say 3 times an hour, and you'll see fast results. You'll be down to 5 minute client meetings and you'll even leave the room with more business.
If you remember I advised you to couple this tip with practicing your smile - your most influential feature. 20Twenty20 smile practice. 20 smiles in twenty seconds and practice twenty times a day. Tube travel, train travel, shiny shoes and shop windows are all smile practice opportunities where you'll get immediate feedback on how you're doing.
So shake hands with yourself regularly and learn how to flash that winning smile - how do you think George W became so influential?
Leonora replies:
Thanks Robbie. Shaking hands with yourself releases vital entrepreneurial energy from the right side of the brain. This in turn enables the left side of the brain where dexterity, speed of thought and movement emanate from. You'll solve problems quicker and just fly between meetings. Shake hands with yourself regularly, say 3 times an hour, and you'll see fast results. You'll be down to 5 minute client meetings and you'll even leave the room with more business.
If you remember I advised you to couple this tip with practicing your smile - your most influential feature. 20Twenty20 smile practice. 20 smiles in twenty seconds and practice twenty times a day. Tube travel, train travel, shiny shoes and shop windows are all smile practice opportunities where you'll get immediate feedback on how you're doing.
So shake hands with yourself regularly and learn how to flash that winning smile - how do you think George W became so influential?
Sunday, August 14, 2005
7/7
7/7
Just over a month has passed but the sick, sad, hopeless feeling remains. I was there and lucky. I think about the dead or wounded – most were always seconds away from me – wrong place, wrong time – mostly drawn to Kings Cross underground in the morning rush hour because we all have to earn a crust. The newspaper photographs make each lucky survivor cry. Many of us still here are beyond the victims’ time with less talent and joy left to give. Many of them, like thousands of us, will have always hated tubes and trains. We’re always hoping for the meeting to be cancelled or the trip to be postponed and, selfishly, never more so than now. For thirty years, from the IRA bombings, through train and tube disasters, we’ve always known the underground might be our tomb.
So, there was calm acceptance, no surprise, as we evacuated Kings Cross and no surprise as we saw the shocked and walking wounded at Russell Square tube. But I swear the blood drained from everyone’s face, and the shock remains with us today, from the bang of the blown up bus behind us. By now we were watching the telly and sipping our cappuccinos, just a stone’s throw away in ‘Night and Day’ in Upper Woburn Place.
We stayed put and impotent. How I wish I’d learned first aid. What use is writing when there are bodies to be mended and minds to be calmed? So, bloody useless – you want to help but you can’t dredge up anything useful you can do.
And the television presenter still told us about a suspected power surge and the pictures still showed the scenes of an hour previous. Damn this ‘official’ manipulation of the media – we’ve been sickened by it for years from every country the US decides to carpet bomb for wealth or ‘regime change’ or ‘to democratise’ or ‘strike first’ or whatever sound bite rationale works best for this omnipotent ‘grand acquisitor’*. Here we hated the trickery on Ireland, WMD and Kelly but somehow media manipulation and government spin has always hurt more when you immediately know the truth.
Within hours I was walking away from the carnage towards Oxford Street, now a film set ghost town, brightly lit with a teeth searing, ear piercing, soundtrack of sirens and helicopters. 7.5 hours later I was drinking London Pride, appropriate I felt, in one of the few bars still open. 24 hours later I was walking through London, not yet brave enough to use the underground, going to a pointless meeting where people would pontificate, pout and preen and be ‘strategic’ to earn a crust whilst useful, real workers, hero-citizens are mining the tunnels to find those that no longer could.
So, if ever there was a day to understand fate but vow to control what one can control of your ‘working’ destiny – this was it. It may be a time to think about leaving the rat race and stripping for freedom. It may be a time to stop commuting, even work from home. It may be a time to fully utilise your talents, sacrificing earnings and status for something more worthwhile. It may be a time to give support and joy to others. It may be a time to start a new entrepreneurial journey with you at the wheel. A month on though, each new journey of mine still comes with a bloodless companion.
* ‘grand acquisitor’ is a term coined by Philip Gigantes in the excellent book ‘Power and Greed – a short history of the world’
There’s a lot more help for professionals and executives going it alone, including the new ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ at www.entrepreneursuk.com
Just over a month has passed but the sick, sad, hopeless feeling remains. I was there and lucky. I think about the dead or wounded – most were always seconds away from me – wrong place, wrong time – mostly drawn to Kings Cross underground in the morning rush hour because we all have to earn a crust. The newspaper photographs make each lucky survivor cry. Many of us still here are beyond the victims’ time with less talent and joy left to give. Many of them, like thousands of us, will have always hated tubes and trains. We’re always hoping for the meeting to be cancelled or the trip to be postponed and, selfishly, never more so than now. For thirty years, from the IRA bombings, through train and tube disasters, we’ve always known the underground might be our tomb.
So, there was calm acceptance, no surprise, as we evacuated Kings Cross and no surprise as we saw the shocked and walking wounded at Russell Square tube. But I swear the blood drained from everyone’s face, and the shock remains with us today, from the bang of the blown up bus behind us. By now we were watching the telly and sipping our cappuccinos, just a stone’s throw away in ‘Night and Day’ in Upper Woburn Place.
We stayed put and impotent. How I wish I’d learned first aid. What use is writing when there are bodies to be mended and minds to be calmed? So, bloody useless – you want to help but you can’t dredge up anything useful you can do.
And the television presenter still told us about a suspected power surge and the pictures still showed the scenes of an hour previous. Damn this ‘official’ manipulation of the media – we’ve been sickened by it for years from every country the US decides to carpet bomb for wealth or ‘regime change’ or ‘to democratise’ or ‘strike first’ or whatever sound bite rationale works best for this omnipotent ‘grand acquisitor’*. Here we hated the trickery on Ireland, WMD and Kelly but somehow media manipulation and government spin has always hurt more when you immediately know the truth.
Within hours I was walking away from the carnage towards Oxford Street, now a film set ghost town, brightly lit with a teeth searing, ear piercing, soundtrack of sirens and helicopters. 7.5 hours later I was drinking London Pride, appropriate I felt, in one of the few bars still open. 24 hours later I was walking through London, not yet brave enough to use the underground, going to a pointless meeting where people would pontificate, pout and preen and be ‘strategic’ to earn a crust whilst useful, real workers, hero-citizens are mining the tunnels to find those that no longer could.
So, if ever there was a day to understand fate but vow to control what one can control of your ‘working’ destiny – this was it. It may be a time to think about leaving the rat race and stripping for freedom. It may be a time to stop commuting, even work from home. It may be a time to fully utilise your talents, sacrificing earnings and status for something more worthwhile. It may be a time to give support and joy to others. It may be a time to start a new entrepreneurial journey with you at the wheel. A month on though, each new journey of mine still comes with a bloodless companion.
* ‘grand acquisitor’ is a term coined by Philip Gigantes in the excellent book ‘Power and Greed – a short history of the world’
There’s a lot more help for professionals and executives going it alone, including the new ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ at www.entrepreneursuk.com
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