Hi Leonora, Luv Stripping. Went to one of your 'Awake the Volcano Within' workshops but didn't understand the handshake stuff - could ya replay? Robbiexx
Leonora replies:
Thanks Robbie. Shaking hands with yourself releases vital entrepreneurial energy from the right side of the brain. This in turn enables the left side of the brain where dexterity, speed of thought and movement emanate from. You'll solve problems quicker and just fly between meetings. Shake hands with yourself regularly, say 3 times an hour, and you'll see fast results. You'll be down to 5 minute client meetings and you'll even leave the room with more business.
If you remember I advised you to couple this tip with practicing your smile - your most influential feature. 20Twenty20 smile practice. 20 smiles in twenty seconds and practice twenty times a day. Tube travel, train travel, shiny shoes and shop windows are all smile practice opportunities where you'll get immediate feedback on how you're doing.
So shake hands with yourself regularly and learn how to flash that winning smile - how do you think George W became so influential?
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Monday, October 02, 2006
Introductory Note to Stripping for Freedom
Handbags, Gladrags and K
One of the perils of being an accessible writer, broadcaster and celebrity is being interrupted in mid flow (of writing this book) by other celebrities wanting my advice. So Delia, from Norwich, never use bagged lettuce as it’s washed in a chlorine solution 20 times more concentrated than in your swimming pool. Also, however exciting the team win is, never ever jump in the bath with 17 footballers – again. Kate, from Croydon, Topshop won’t worry, I’ll give you a layering master class, you’re not too old to have a freebie Chloe Paddington handbag and oversized, slouchy shapes are still good in handbags and bad in boyfriends.
As for Fay in the West Country, I’m sorry to say I haven’t got a definitive feminist reaction to your views yet. I’ve sent texts to my girlfriends to poll them on whether they think it is right to fake orgasms for the man’s benefit and that sex without an orgasm can be great too, but from their poor response I think we must assume that clothes and shoes are the issues currently closer to their hearts. One said that a man ‘that could listen and understood women ‘ might be worth the pretence but another said ‘men that hate women are the best lovers’ – so work that out. Also in one case a new fridge freezer is more exciting ‘than any man’. I did go for the male view and sent a text to my new soul mate and leading US entrepreneurship guru, Rock Heathcliff, and below is our repartee:
‘Me: ……. a fave UK author & feminist says it’s OK for wmn 2 fake orgasm 2 keep the relationship sweet – do u agree?
Rock: Don’t get it!!
Me: Reason u don’t get it is cos the rabbit does it better.
Rock: Wot??
Me: Forget it.’
Anyway, back to the flow. I’ve been asked countless times whether I know from personal experience anything about stripping, as in my alluring title of this book. The answer is that I've learned about stripping for a living from my good friend K (short for Kylie). K is a bit like the Natalie Portman character in the film 'Closer'. She is all powerful in front of drunken businessmen at what she calls a 'classy' table side dancing club. I've been there and the furnishings are a bit like the clientele - thick, rich and mostly in the dark.
K has a body to die for. Literally, for there is anguish on many of the punters’ faces as they consider whether it is worth breaching the ‘no touching’ rule and so dying from a five gorilla mauling as they are ejected. Every move of everyone is monitored on camera so it is a very safe environment for the seductive, sensuous and sickeningly slim K. Fortunately, she only has to say ‘thank you’ for the bundles of notes that are thrust her way, for her voice is not her greatest asset. Whilst she wants to sound sultry like Norah Jones I’m afraid that it comes out like Cyndi Lauper on speed. Does that sound a bit catty?
K is independent and she is an entrepreneur. Her body is her freedom. K strips for freedom. After uni and a post grad comms course K joined a large PR agency in London. Within eighteen months she was sick of the corporate lifestyle and the free meals and drinks which were also making her fat. K worked out the fastest way of making great money and doing what she wanted to do in her free time. K strips for freedom but any executive stuck in the rat race can choose, not literally, to do this too.
In order to learn about K, I persuaded her to leave London for a week to holiday in the sun of Tenerife. What a disaster. The idea of topping up the tans for a week was a good one but I hadn’t realized how focused K is on remaining absolutely blemish free. I guess if you’re willing to regularly go to the torture chamber for a Brazilian or Hollywood wax then you’re unlikely to be the kind which allows environmental hazards like sun and insects to mess with the way you want to look. The holiday started badly as our evening swim in the hotel pool led to an unfortunate streaking, from the chlorinated water, on K’s St Tropez fake, but applied at massive cost, tan.
Water sports are clearly out for K but I can now state that even walking outside during the day carries a 40% chance of a graze, cut or bruise and in the evening there is an unacceptable, to K, 60% chance of a mosquito or other insect bite. Indeed every mosquito, hornet and biting bug in the region must have passed the word on that K’s skin was a ‘not to be missed’ delicacy and the opportunity for a gourmet feast for all Spanish flying insects.
After a while I was convinced that an advance scouting party of wasps were sent to establish the exact venue for the banquet. Once they got a whiff of ‘K-No7’ they would hover above her buzzing loudly. Within minutes, all manner and classes of well dressed, for dinner, bugs would join this advance party and soon be merrily nibbling away.
The bugs were only one of many hazards to the body beautiful. To K the only way to be exposed to the sun is for each body part to receive exactly the same amount of exposure. By the end of the week I’d happily have left K turning on a roasting spit. K is only one of the experts I’ve used to help me explain how professionals and executives escape the rat race and can successfully go it alone by stripping for freedom. K is the only one of these experts that always succeeds with the skinny jeans day into evening solution. So what!?
One of the perils of being an accessible writer, broadcaster and celebrity is being interrupted in mid flow (of writing this book) by other celebrities wanting my advice. So Delia, from Norwich, never use bagged lettuce as it’s washed in a chlorine solution 20 times more concentrated than in your swimming pool. Also, however exciting the team win is, never ever jump in the bath with 17 footballers – again. Kate, from Croydon, Topshop won’t worry, I’ll give you a layering master class, you’re not too old to have a freebie Chloe Paddington handbag and oversized, slouchy shapes are still good in handbags and bad in boyfriends.
As for Fay in the West Country, I’m sorry to say I haven’t got a definitive feminist reaction to your views yet. I’ve sent texts to my girlfriends to poll them on whether they think it is right to fake orgasms for the man’s benefit and that sex without an orgasm can be great too, but from their poor response I think we must assume that clothes and shoes are the issues currently closer to their hearts. One said that a man ‘that could listen and understood women ‘ might be worth the pretence but another said ‘men that hate women are the best lovers’ – so work that out. Also in one case a new fridge freezer is more exciting ‘than any man’. I did go for the male view and sent a text to my new soul mate and leading US entrepreneurship guru, Rock Heathcliff, and below is our repartee:
‘Me: ……. a fave UK author & feminist says it’s OK for wmn 2 fake orgasm 2 keep the relationship sweet – do u agree?
Rock: Don’t get it!!
Me: Reason u don’t get it is cos the rabbit does it better.
Rock: Wot??
Me: Forget it.’
Anyway, back to the flow. I’ve been asked countless times whether I know from personal experience anything about stripping, as in my alluring title of this book. The answer is that I've learned about stripping for a living from my good friend K (short for Kylie). K is a bit like the Natalie Portman character in the film 'Closer'. She is all powerful in front of drunken businessmen at what she calls a 'classy' table side dancing club. I've been there and the furnishings are a bit like the clientele - thick, rich and mostly in the dark.
K has a body to die for. Literally, for there is anguish on many of the punters’ faces as they consider whether it is worth breaching the ‘no touching’ rule and so dying from a five gorilla mauling as they are ejected. Every move of everyone is monitored on camera so it is a very safe environment for the seductive, sensuous and sickeningly slim K. Fortunately, she only has to say ‘thank you’ for the bundles of notes that are thrust her way, for her voice is not her greatest asset. Whilst she wants to sound sultry like Norah Jones I’m afraid that it comes out like Cyndi Lauper on speed. Does that sound a bit catty?
K is independent and she is an entrepreneur. Her body is her freedom. K strips for freedom. After uni and a post grad comms course K joined a large PR agency in London. Within eighteen months she was sick of the corporate lifestyle and the free meals and drinks which were also making her fat. K worked out the fastest way of making great money and doing what she wanted to do in her free time. K strips for freedom but any executive stuck in the rat race can choose, not literally, to do this too.
In order to learn about K, I persuaded her to leave London for a week to holiday in the sun of Tenerife. What a disaster. The idea of topping up the tans for a week was a good one but I hadn’t realized how focused K is on remaining absolutely blemish free. I guess if you’re willing to regularly go to the torture chamber for a Brazilian or Hollywood wax then you’re unlikely to be the kind which allows environmental hazards like sun and insects to mess with the way you want to look. The holiday started badly as our evening swim in the hotel pool led to an unfortunate streaking, from the chlorinated water, on K’s St Tropez fake, but applied at massive cost, tan.
Water sports are clearly out for K but I can now state that even walking outside during the day carries a 40% chance of a graze, cut or bruise and in the evening there is an unacceptable, to K, 60% chance of a mosquito or other insect bite. Indeed every mosquito, hornet and biting bug in the region must have passed the word on that K’s skin was a ‘not to be missed’ delicacy and the opportunity for a gourmet feast for all Spanish flying insects.
After a while I was convinced that an advance scouting party of wasps were sent to establish the exact venue for the banquet. Once they got a whiff of ‘K-No7’ they would hover above her buzzing loudly. Within minutes, all manner and classes of well dressed, for dinner, bugs would join this advance party and soon be merrily nibbling away.
The bugs were only one of many hazards to the body beautiful. To K the only way to be exposed to the sun is for each body part to receive exactly the same amount of exposure. By the end of the week I’d happily have left K turning on a roasting spit. K is only one of the experts I’ve used to help me explain how professionals and executives escape the rat race and can successfully go it alone by stripping for freedom. K is the only one of these experts that always succeeds with the skinny jeans day into evening solution. So what!?
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Leonora Soculitherz - Stripping for Freedom: ABOUT LEONORA'S BLOG AND INDEX TO ALL 12 SEGMENTS
Leonora Soculitherz - Stripping for Freedom: LEONORA'S BLOG
Leonora's recurring nightmare and leading fashion victim in action
Leonora Soculitherz - Stripping for Freedom: Something Smells Seriously Fishy in Nantucket and Whitehall - Segment 12
Leonora Soculitherz - Stripping for Freedom: Focus Means Success and Squashy Soupiness Means Failure -Segment 7
LEONORA'S BLOG
Dear Fans,
The 12 segments below give you plenty of tips to help you escape the rat race and successfully go it alone in your own business by 'stripping for freedom'. I hope you enjoy it. You'll also see how I solve a major mystery and give you guidance on how to become a celebrity and fashion icon like me.
There is a lot of free stuff to help you at www.EntrepreneursUK.com and you can buy the 'Rat Race Escape Kit' CD for only £14.95 + p&p, which includes the 'Essential Guide to Earning a Living from Independent Consultancy, Interim Management and Freelancing'. It also includes the prequel, by me, to 'Stripping for Freedom' which is the highly acclaimed 'Buzzing with the Entrepreneurs'. There are lots of extra bonus tools to give you ideas on business opportunities and provide the know-how to set up, survive and thrive. Hundreds of essential web links to free help are the icing on the cake. Order direct at www.EntrepreneursUK.com
Love Leonora XXX
The 12 segments below give you plenty of tips to help you escape the rat race and successfully go it alone in your own business by 'stripping for freedom'. I hope you enjoy it. You'll also see how I solve a major mystery and give you guidance on how to become a celebrity and fashion icon like me.
There is a lot of free stuff to help you at www.EntrepreneursUK.com and you can buy the 'Rat Race Escape Kit' CD for only £14.95 + p&p, which includes the 'Essential Guide to Earning a Living from Independent Consultancy, Interim Management and Freelancing'. It also includes the prequel, by me, to 'Stripping for Freedom' which is the highly acclaimed 'Buzzing with the Entrepreneurs'. There are lots of extra bonus tools to give you ideas on business opportunities and provide the know-how to set up, survive and thrive. Hundreds of essential web links to free help are the icing on the cake. Order direct at www.EntrepreneursUK.com
Love Leonora XXX
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Something Smells Seriously Fishy in Nantucket and Whitehall - Segment 12
Call me Leonora – super sleuth
First a warning. Do not skip any pages in this segment if you value your livelihood. I know it is difficult because you’re understandably intrigued as to how I, a Canadian, a celebrity writer/journalist, a television presenter and a fashion icon, finally did what the entrapment team at the News of the World had failed to do. Namely, to solve the mystery of where the missing £millions of taxpayers’ money are that were originally earmarked to support entrepreneurs and owners of small businesses in England. I need you to wait a short while to find out how my shockingly, awesome interrogation technique made the hooded ‘Cowboy’ and the equally hooded ‘Evangelist’ spill the beans before they were given safe passage to their secret, new, love nest in the Pukaskwa National Park in Ontario.
I will, however, deal right now with those of you that are curious as to what Oakley shades I wear and generally just what not to wear. They’re Oakley Razrwire (that is spelt correctly as is Bluetooth - which they have) in pewter/black, of course. Oh and stay clear of frosted lipstick, black leather, tight anything, acid colours, pale leggings, girlie frills and animal prints. OK?
There are two important tips for those of you looking to go it alone and are willing to ‘strip’ for freedom. These tips were given to me the day before I interviewed the two senior civil servant informants. One came during my train journey to Scarborough and the other that evening whilst at the theatre. The first was a bit spooky or was it serendipity? The second was an unexpected revelation from a most unlikely source. The source was Yorkshire’s favourite fashion disaster, Tony Robinson (the not famous one).
The Legionnaire’s billet (Tip one)
Stranded at York station for 45 minutes awaiting my connection I found a corner of Puccini’s Café and sat with my back to the centre to avoid celebrity stalkers and autograph hunters. I was able to drink my skinny latte undisturbed and substantially review the current top selling book, in WH Smith’s, for budding entrepreneurs – ‘The Millionaire Upgrade’.
It tells the story of a young executive wimp who ends up getting a first class upgrade which puts him in the best seat on the plane next to, and thanks to the inane generosity of, a millionaire entrepreneur. Throughout the flight the, incredibly patronising to the air stewardess, millionaire business man, whose dress and writing implements mark him as a man of distinction and a bore, mentors his new companion. He gives him the secrets to his success. The book is apparently based on interviews with 50 successful entrepreneurs and a similar, fortunate, ‘in flight’ conversation with Richard Branson.
The fictitious, not Richard Branson, millionaire entrepreneur regularly uses the words ‘I believe’. I BELIEVE turns out to be a mnemonic for all the things you need to do to be mega successful. It’s a pretty dodgy, lazy type of mnemonic too as the ‘V’ stands for ‘Very, Very’ something or other.
Anyway, by the time I finally got to Malton, I’d speed read and equally speedily discarded the ‘Millionaire Upgrade’ It’s a bit like eating a Snickers bar, you get a quick high followed by a stodgy, guilt-ridden low. It’s well meaning but ultimately an impractical ‘Stay focused, stay cool and get rich with the right attitude and network’ type tract.
But, considering my earlier reading matter next came the spooky part. At Malton, a very elderly, shabbily dressed, unshaven drunk (probably on red wine) boarded the train and sat next to me. I should explain that I am sitting, as usual and as befits my status, in the first class compartment. My new companion would probably not have a first class ticket but this is not unusual on the utterly misnamed Trans-Pennine Express.
Music to my ears
It is likely that in this full carriage of would-be town criers that I was the only one with a first class ticket. This is because the Trans- Pennine Express conductors feel so sorry for anyone having to pay their exorbitant fares, even if it is the ‘supersaver-book 5 years in advance-anytime’ return. They also despise anyone they consider posh. Hence, they let everyone and his or her dog sit in first class. Anyway, when said conductor asked to see our tickets, my companion asked for ‘un billet simple pour Scarborough’. I instantly warmed to my new travel companion and translated for the bemused conductor that all he’d asked for was a ticket to Scarborough.
French is my favourite language but I realise that it is as great a mystery to the English as the delights of Scarborough Football Club’s ‘pie and peas’ are to me. So I’ll recount in English the gist of my conversation with my new best, ex-legionnaire friend sat next to me.
La clef (the key)
Michel served with distinction in the French Foreign Legion but he left me under no illusions just how tough it was. He reminisced about once being last in line of three very sick soldiers who were asked to stand by their hospital beds whilst their resolve was tested by their commanding officer:
‘What’s your problem legionnaire?’ ‘
‘Chronic syphilis, sir’ says the legionnaire
‘What treatment are you getting? asks the officer
‘Five minutes with the wire brush each day, sir’ says the legionnaire
‘What’s your ambition legionnaire?’
‘To get back to the front line, sir ‘
‘Good man,’ says the officer and goes to the next in line, ‘What’s your problem legionnaire?’
‘Chronic piles, sir’ comes the reply
‘What treatment are you getting? asks the officer
‘Five minutes with the wire brush each day, sir’ says the second legionnaire
‘And what’s your ambition?’
‘To get back to the front, sir’
‘Good man,’ says the officer and finally approaches Michel stood by the next bed,
‘And so what’s your problem legionnaire?’
‘Chronic gum disease’ replies Michel
‘What is your treatment, legionnaire?’
‘Five minutes with the wire brush each day, sir’ says Michel
‘And what’s your ambition, legionnaire?’
‘To get the wire brush before the other two, sir’ replies Michel
Michel chuckled at the end of this, probably tall, tale but I believed him, after, when he told me his riches to rags story. After returning to civilian life Michel started his own confectionery business in Paris. Through innovation, hard work and recruiting a brilliant chocolatier, the business grew from one shop with a small preparation room to a multi million business operating from a small factory with 12 shops throughout France.
The Rise and Fall of Michel
Eighteen years ago he sold his successful business to enjoy the fruits of his labour and travel the world. One day on a flight back to Paris, from Singapore, he got talking to a young American business woman and heiress who, to cut a long story short, persuaded him to invest in her hotel and leisure business. The business grew as did their relationship and they married and had children. Eight years ago Michel began a long relationship with a famous French actress.
Whilst a French man having a mistress is, regrettably, nothing new especially amongst politicians and the bourgeoisie, it was unpardonable to his young wife who promptly divorced him. This was just three years ago. She also allowed him to be sued for various anti-competitive practices to do with introducing infectious diseases into other hotels (ironically, including some in Scarborough). This all spelt rack and ruin for Michel.
However, even though he told the tale beautifully, in French, I got pretty fed up with Michel, his story and his halitosis. Yet, remembering ‘the Millionaire Upgrade’ I did ask him if he had a mnemonic which my readers could use to help them to the level of entrepreneurial success that he’d had before he let his ‘lunch box’, as you say, become his Achilles heel. This is what he gave me, for what it’s worth:
Luck – you make your own
Application – breeds opportunities
Commitment – overcomes failure
Leadership – by example
Enthusiasm – you can never have too much of it
Feu – (French word for fire) – in your belly
Back to the Futurist (Tip Two)
That evening I accompanied Tony Robinson (TR) to the Futurist theatre in Scarborough, to see a marvellous ballet with Grigorovich’s choreography of the Nutcracker Suite. We got there a little late as I had to ask TR to change what he was wearing. Indeed it took five changes before he found something that I could tolerate being seen with. Despite this shaky start it turned into a magnificent evening with a full orchestra and over 60 in the corps de ballet of the Moldavian National Ballet.
Although, I’ve been to Sir Alan Ayckbourn’s wonderful Stephen Joseph Theatre many times, to see theatre in the round, this was only the second time I’d been in the Futurist theatre which holds over two thousand. Despite it looking a bit run down it has a large stage, with superb lighting and sound, and with a full house and our great view from the circle of this wonderful and colourful spectacle it became a magical place.
I suppose I must admit to just a little tinge of something, not always pleasant, in watching beautiful ballerinas being swept of their feet by muscled and lithe Adonises. I think that this ‘something’ is envy about how impossibly slim, fit and serene they are. I bet even if they had six bags of large Maltesers before the show they’d burn off all the calories by the end of it.
But they were wonderful and as we were having a drink after the show, I suggested to TR that there can’t be many times a year that such top quality entertainment leads to a packed Futurist. TR accidentally knocked over his wine glass and then explained that the next week-end would be a sell-out for an equally high quality performance when the Chuckle Brothers (Barry and Paul, apparently) performed ‘Dr What and the Return of the Garlics’. I don’t know them so I couldn’t comment but this only led to TR acting out some ‘to me - to you’ rubbish in order to explain why ‘they’re so great’.
Same seat – different cost
Unusually, my evening did then lead to my understanding a business tip from TR which may work for you. TR explained that the Ballet Company would receive 2000 x an average £20 a head and out of the £40,000 would have to pay the theatre, their marketing and travel costs and the wages of a company of 120. The Chuckle Brothers the next week would receive 2000 x an average £10 a head but they would probably make far more profit from the show as their £20,000 would have to pay the same marketing and theatre costs but probably no more than 10 people’s wages and less in transportation costs. They would also sell a huge amount of merchandise when they signed autographs after the show.
TR asked me to assume that both companies could do the same number of shows each year and most of these shows would be at much smaller venues. It looks as if both have successful and profitable business models with a great offer but within their offer charging the right price is absolutely crucial to their success.
TR said that setting the right price for your product or service when you’re first starting out in your own business is essential. Changing price drastically because you’ve got the price wrong can adversely affect your business as potential customer confidence in the true value of your product or service will be shaken.
Price Perfect
So he says charging the right price involves more than just researching what others charge for something similar. It also requires more than just ensuring that your price covers the cost to produce the work or service plus the cost of getting the customer and getting the product/service to the customer plus your profit margin. You must do all of this but it often leads to first time business owners/entrepreneurs charging too low a price for their product.
The TR tip is to do all the above and then get innovative about your pricing by seeing where there is a market gap in providing your service or product in a way that will both be highly valued by the customer and often may avoid direct price comparisons with your competitors. If you’re in doubt then aim high. You can always discount for volume or by negotiation with the customer but you must leave leeway in your pricing to cover business eventualities for the future such as taking on staff, contractors, premises or equipment and even for lean periods.
To illustrate the point TR gave an example of his business charges for consultancy. Firstly he writes, speaks, facilitates and consults in a unique niche (enabling entrepreneurial skills) area in which he is both qualified and has a 20 year track record. His personal daily rate is £750 per day but he discounts for volume (number of days in a contract) and type of work (e.g. writing learning media and associated engagement/promotional media is £550 per day). He assumes being able to charge fees for no more than 120 consultancy days a year (this is his leeway calculation) which is based on all the time that is not chargeable and goes into marketing, administration, continuous professional development and travel and 120 days is about the consultancy norm.
He is unusual in stating charges up front and many would say this is a mistake but it works within his ‘up front’ personal style and the ethos of the business. He takes the same overall approach to pricing a product, hence the Rat Race Escape Kit CD which he sells direct through www.EntrepreneursUK.com retails at £14.95 even though it includes the ‘Essential Guide to Earning a Living from Independent Consultancy’ whilst the A4 bound version of the same ‘Essential Guide’ retails at £58 on Amazon (but there are volume discounts for companies, outplacement agencies who go direct to EntrepreneursUK).
So being price perfect is essential. Build the price up through unique customer value and differentiation and the above tips should ensure you don’t make the very common mistake of people going it alone for the first time by being ‘me-too’ or under pricing.
Finally - Solving the mystery of the missing £millions
Thank you my readers and fans for getting to this point. I will now reveal, from my interrogation of the two senior civil servants (the ‘Cowboy’ and the ‘Evangelist’) why entrepreneurs in the UK aren’t actually receiving the £millions of support that the government announce they will get.
I won’t report everything the two hooded lovers before me said as reported speech can be a bit tiresome. I have a friend, Lizzie, who does the ‘he said’, then ‘she said’ then ‘I said’ stuff for ages when trying to make a point and invariably forgets what point she was going to make.
I was allowed no longer than 40 minutes with the informants and apart from what I described about them in Segment 11, I didn’t really learn much about them as individuals. I could see they wore expensive suits, could see they were fit, particularly the ‘Cowboy’ and by their skin tone of their hands could see they probably enjoyed a leisurely outdoor lifestyle. By their hands touching and the occasional tiff during our interview I recognised their love for each other was probably genuine. I could only see their eyes and mouth through the hoods but I assumed they were both clean shaven too.
I did ask the ‘Cowboy’ if he’d ever been to New Bedford or Nantucket Island and he said he had. This was only because I spotted his gold cufflinks, which he rubbed regularly, as coming from the shops in that area. Nantucket and New Bedford will be about 850 kilometres due east of Toronto and are where the centre of the thriving American whaling industry was right up until the discovery of petroleum in 1859. After 1859 the US whaling fleet was soon decimated from its high of 700 vessels. Of course, America did as well subsequently in farming the new oil as it did in farming whales. What it couldn’t get from exploration it could get by acquisition. Anyway, the sperm whale symbol on the cufflinks of the ‘Cowboy’ was a giveaway.
Belief and Self determination for Natural Entrepreneurship
I do know that they are both deeply religious men and on numerous occasions they referred to their work being a mission from God and that God was their judge. I got the impression therefore that criticism from me or others about what they’d done and not done to help the UK’s entrepreneurs was regarded by them as meaningless. They made it clear what they did was their business and they answered to God alone. They promised that I’d also understand why any criticism was unjust when they explained the concept of natural entrepreneurship and how regions must self determine, within the framework they’ve provided, the support natural entrepreneurs should get and the sanctions unnatural entrepreneurs must suffer.
From time to time I could sense some tension between them. This usually occurred when the Evangelist became reticent about answering certain of my questions, he usually responded ‘I’d prefer not to go there’, to which the Cowboy would add ‘But you will, won’t you?’ Every now and again they’d also break off to whisper to each other, presumably to agree what they could and couldn’t say and I thought I heard the Cowboy whisper that he’d have to ‘get that from Rum and Condo’ but whether ‘Rum and Condo’ was a cocktail, animal, firm or people I wouldn’t know.
Interrogating the Informants – setting the scene
Initially I tried to break the ice by asking whether they’d find it hard living in a cave. They said no-one would ever find them but they would still be very active, and could even appear in and manage the media whenever they needed to. They said I wasn’t to think of their cave as a cold stark place because it was a warm luxurious nest from which they could pursue their hobbies undisturbed.
I moved on to explain my concern about entrepreneurship ‘know how’ and support being needed by 1 in 6 of the working population that will or do run their own enterprises. I explained how government regularly state that £billions were being committed to this but less than 5% of the 4.3 million small and home office business owners and the 460,000 start ups actually see any of this support. All they see is vast amounts of money being spent on new civil service infrastructures and processes, supposedly to support them, and publicity saying how good the infrastructures and processes are. In real terms it ends up as just tens of thousands of pounds in value that small business owners see.
Interrogating the informants – confirming initial evidence
I then went on to ask whether my theory, as expressed in Segment 7, that many millions of pounds that were originally intended for entrepreneurs actually went into funding a Care Home and providing activities and alcohol for the residents. I explained I was certain that the residents were troublesome civil servants that Ministers’ wanted to sideline.
They admitted this was correct but that it was their decision as to who went into the home not Ministers. They explained that they had a vision for what entrepreneurship was acceptable or ‘natural’ and what wasn’t. They had to sideline civil servants that supported ‘unnatural’ entrepreneurship. They also had to ensure that government support only went to natural entrepreneurs, including offenders and other enterprising individuals not currently in mainstream economic activity.
Rather than asking them to define natural entrepreneurship I asked whether there was any chance that money destined for the 4.3 million small and home office business owners in the UK was actually going to the 32,000 medium and large businesses. To my horror, they confirmed that most of it was and that ‘natural entrepreneurship’ starts at the top of the supply chain.
Large corporations that control the world’s natural resources and wealth understand most about natural entrepreneurship and it is their social and economic duty to ensure all the little business people follow their best practice. The Cowboy said I should understand that this mission for natural entrepreneurship is not just a UK aspiration but that a global transformation is in progress. The Evangelist explained that this was why government Ministers in the UK were told never to refer to programmes for small and home office businesses but to always refer to ‘SMEs’ or ‘Small and Medium Enterprises’. He asked me to consider 'what state the world would be in if we didn't train hundreds of civil servants on using diagnostics to filter out the 'disposables' and filter in those who are the 'natural' entrepreneurs and worthy of government support. This very necessary process and infrastructure costs a great deal of money.'
Interrogating the informants – shocked by the awful truth
In reality most of the government support goes to medium enterprises or larger small and medium enterprises that are actually connected or ultimately owned by large companies. They explained that history has shown that enterprises with 30 to 30,000 staff and whose staff meets many quality standards and who promote and select professional managers are more likely to be examples of natural entrepreneurship. In contrast ‘little enterprises led by unprofessional, often uneducated business owners often had few if any staff and could only really be regarded as dispensable’.
That last quote was from the Cowboy and I admit to being unnerved by his self assurance that his mad mission was the ‘only way to transform entrepreneurship into a force for good’. I asked what they meant by 'disposables'. Apparently this depends on the level of public profile, the millions of zero and low employee businesses are disposable in that they sink or swim without government intervention.
If they swim and are deemed 'unnatural' then regulation and taxation are summoned to destroy them. If they are high public profile, then apparently 'we used to arrange for them to have accidents, but now we just dispose of them and then pay look alikes (that we would have disposed of or are terminally ill) to play out a humiliating and end-game role so that they can be a warning example to others that may consider being high profile. I really wasn't sure at this point if their interventions to deal with market failure were limited to just business ownership, but I was certainly finding out where the missing £millions had gone. Interestingly, I also found that a great deal of this money had already gone overseas.
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You can purchase the ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ for only £14.95 at www.EntrepreneursUK.com and it includes my first book ‘Buzzing with the Entrepreneurs’.
First a warning. Do not skip any pages in this segment if you value your livelihood. I know it is difficult because you’re understandably intrigued as to how I, a Canadian, a celebrity writer/journalist, a television presenter and a fashion icon, finally did what the entrapment team at the News of the World had failed to do. Namely, to solve the mystery of where the missing £millions of taxpayers’ money are that were originally earmarked to support entrepreneurs and owners of small businesses in England. I need you to wait a short while to find out how my shockingly, awesome interrogation technique made the hooded ‘Cowboy’ and the equally hooded ‘Evangelist’ spill the beans before they were given safe passage to their secret, new, love nest in the Pukaskwa National Park in Ontario.
I will, however, deal right now with those of you that are curious as to what Oakley shades I wear and generally just what not to wear. They’re Oakley Razrwire (that is spelt correctly as is Bluetooth - which they have) in pewter/black, of course. Oh and stay clear of frosted lipstick, black leather, tight anything, acid colours, pale leggings, girlie frills and animal prints. OK?
There are two important tips for those of you looking to go it alone and are willing to ‘strip’ for freedom. These tips were given to me the day before I interviewed the two senior civil servant informants. One came during my train journey to Scarborough and the other that evening whilst at the theatre. The first was a bit spooky or was it serendipity? The second was an unexpected revelation from a most unlikely source. The source was Yorkshire’s favourite fashion disaster, Tony Robinson (the not famous one).
The Legionnaire’s billet (Tip one)
Stranded at York station for 45 minutes awaiting my connection I found a corner of Puccini’s Café and sat with my back to the centre to avoid celebrity stalkers and autograph hunters. I was able to drink my skinny latte undisturbed and substantially review the current top selling book, in WH Smith’s, for budding entrepreneurs – ‘The Millionaire Upgrade’.
It tells the story of a young executive wimp who ends up getting a first class upgrade which puts him in the best seat on the plane next to, and thanks to the inane generosity of, a millionaire entrepreneur. Throughout the flight the, incredibly patronising to the air stewardess, millionaire business man, whose dress and writing implements mark him as a man of distinction and a bore, mentors his new companion. He gives him the secrets to his success. The book is apparently based on interviews with 50 successful entrepreneurs and a similar, fortunate, ‘in flight’ conversation with Richard Branson.
The fictitious, not Richard Branson, millionaire entrepreneur regularly uses the words ‘I believe’. I BELIEVE turns out to be a mnemonic for all the things you need to do to be mega successful. It’s a pretty dodgy, lazy type of mnemonic too as the ‘V’ stands for ‘Very, Very’ something or other.
Anyway, by the time I finally got to Malton, I’d speed read and equally speedily discarded the ‘Millionaire Upgrade’ It’s a bit like eating a Snickers bar, you get a quick high followed by a stodgy, guilt-ridden low. It’s well meaning but ultimately an impractical ‘Stay focused, stay cool and get rich with the right attitude and network’ type tract.
But, considering my earlier reading matter next came the spooky part. At Malton, a very elderly, shabbily dressed, unshaven drunk (probably on red wine) boarded the train and sat next to me. I should explain that I am sitting, as usual and as befits my status, in the first class compartment. My new companion would probably not have a first class ticket but this is not unusual on the utterly misnamed Trans-Pennine Express.
Music to my ears
It is likely that in this full carriage of would-be town criers that I was the only one with a first class ticket. This is because the Trans- Pennine Express conductors feel so sorry for anyone having to pay their exorbitant fares, even if it is the ‘supersaver-book 5 years in advance-anytime’ return. They also despise anyone they consider posh. Hence, they let everyone and his or her dog sit in first class. Anyway, when said conductor asked to see our tickets, my companion asked for ‘un billet simple pour Scarborough’. I instantly warmed to my new travel companion and translated for the bemused conductor that all he’d asked for was a ticket to Scarborough.
French is my favourite language but I realise that it is as great a mystery to the English as the delights of Scarborough Football Club’s ‘pie and peas’ are to me. So I’ll recount in English the gist of my conversation with my new best, ex-legionnaire friend sat next to me.
La clef (the key)
Michel served with distinction in the French Foreign Legion but he left me under no illusions just how tough it was. He reminisced about once being last in line of three very sick soldiers who were asked to stand by their hospital beds whilst their resolve was tested by their commanding officer:
‘What’s your problem legionnaire?’ ‘
‘Chronic syphilis, sir’ says the legionnaire
‘What treatment are you getting? asks the officer
‘Five minutes with the wire brush each day, sir’ says the legionnaire
‘What’s your ambition legionnaire?’
‘To get back to the front line, sir ‘
‘Good man,’ says the officer and goes to the next in line, ‘What’s your problem legionnaire?’
‘Chronic piles, sir’ comes the reply
‘What treatment are you getting? asks the officer
‘Five minutes with the wire brush each day, sir’ says the second legionnaire
‘And what’s your ambition?’
‘To get back to the front, sir’
‘Good man,’ says the officer and finally approaches Michel stood by the next bed,
‘And so what’s your problem legionnaire?’
‘Chronic gum disease’ replies Michel
‘What is your treatment, legionnaire?’
‘Five minutes with the wire brush each day, sir’ says Michel
‘And what’s your ambition, legionnaire?’
‘To get the wire brush before the other two, sir’ replies Michel
Michel chuckled at the end of this, probably tall, tale but I believed him, after, when he told me his riches to rags story. After returning to civilian life Michel started his own confectionery business in Paris. Through innovation, hard work and recruiting a brilliant chocolatier, the business grew from one shop with a small preparation room to a multi million business operating from a small factory with 12 shops throughout France.
The Rise and Fall of Michel
Eighteen years ago he sold his successful business to enjoy the fruits of his labour and travel the world. One day on a flight back to Paris, from Singapore, he got talking to a young American business woman and heiress who, to cut a long story short, persuaded him to invest in her hotel and leisure business. The business grew as did their relationship and they married and had children. Eight years ago Michel began a long relationship with a famous French actress.
Whilst a French man having a mistress is, regrettably, nothing new especially amongst politicians and the bourgeoisie, it was unpardonable to his young wife who promptly divorced him. This was just three years ago. She also allowed him to be sued for various anti-competitive practices to do with introducing infectious diseases into other hotels (ironically, including some in Scarborough). This all spelt rack and ruin for Michel.
However, even though he told the tale beautifully, in French, I got pretty fed up with Michel, his story and his halitosis. Yet, remembering ‘the Millionaire Upgrade’ I did ask him if he had a mnemonic which my readers could use to help them to the level of entrepreneurial success that he’d had before he let his ‘lunch box’, as you say, become his Achilles heel. This is what he gave me, for what it’s worth:
Luck – you make your own
Application – breeds opportunities
Commitment – overcomes failure
Leadership – by example
Enthusiasm – you can never have too much of it
Feu – (French word for fire) – in your belly
Back to the Futurist (Tip Two)
That evening I accompanied Tony Robinson (TR) to the Futurist theatre in Scarborough, to see a marvellous ballet with Grigorovich’s choreography of the Nutcracker Suite. We got there a little late as I had to ask TR to change what he was wearing. Indeed it took five changes before he found something that I could tolerate being seen with. Despite this shaky start it turned into a magnificent evening with a full orchestra and over 60 in the corps de ballet of the Moldavian National Ballet.
Although, I’ve been to Sir Alan Ayckbourn’s wonderful Stephen Joseph Theatre many times, to see theatre in the round, this was only the second time I’d been in the Futurist theatre which holds over two thousand. Despite it looking a bit run down it has a large stage, with superb lighting and sound, and with a full house and our great view from the circle of this wonderful and colourful spectacle it became a magical place.
I suppose I must admit to just a little tinge of something, not always pleasant, in watching beautiful ballerinas being swept of their feet by muscled and lithe Adonises. I think that this ‘something’ is envy about how impossibly slim, fit and serene they are. I bet even if they had six bags of large Maltesers before the show they’d burn off all the calories by the end of it.
But they were wonderful and as we were having a drink after the show, I suggested to TR that there can’t be many times a year that such top quality entertainment leads to a packed Futurist. TR accidentally knocked over his wine glass and then explained that the next week-end would be a sell-out for an equally high quality performance when the Chuckle Brothers (Barry and Paul, apparently) performed ‘Dr What and the Return of the Garlics’. I don’t know them so I couldn’t comment but this only led to TR acting out some ‘to me - to you’ rubbish in order to explain why ‘they’re so great’.
Same seat – different cost
Unusually, my evening did then lead to my understanding a business tip from TR which may work for you. TR explained that the Ballet Company would receive 2000 x an average £20 a head and out of the £40,000 would have to pay the theatre, their marketing and travel costs and the wages of a company of 120. The Chuckle Brothers the next week would receive 2000 x an average £10 a head but they would probably make far more profit from the show as their £20,000 would have to pay the same marketing and theatre costs but probably no more than 10 people’s wages and less in transportation costs. They would also sell a huge amount of merchandise when they signed autographs after the show.
TR asked me to assume that both companies could do the same number of shows each year and most of these shows would be at much smaller venues. It looks as if both have successful and profitable business models with a great offer but within their offer charging the right price is absolutely crucial to their success.
TR said that setting the right price for your product or service when you’re first starting out in your own business is essential. Changing price drastically because you’ve got the price wrong can adversely affect your business as potential customer confidence in the true value of your product or service will be shaken.
Price Perfect
So he says charging the right price involves more than just researching what others charge for something similar. It also requires more than just ensuring that your price covers the cost to produce the work or service plus the cost of getting the customer and getting the product/service to the customer plus your profit margin. You must do all of this but it often leads to first time business owners/entrepreneurs charging too low a price for their product.
The TR tip is to do all the above and then get innovative about your pricing by seeing where there is a market gap in providing your service or product in a way that will both be highly valued by the customer and often may avoid direct price comparisons with your competitors. If you’re in doubt then aim high. You can always discount for volume or by negotiation with the customer but you must leave leeway in your pricing to cover business eventualities for the future such as taking on staff, contractors, premises or equipment and even for lean periods.
To illustrate the point TR gave an example of his business charges for consultancy. Firstly he writes, speaks, facilitates and consults in a unique niche (enabling entrepreneurial skills) area in which he is both qualified and has a 20 year track record. His personal daily rate is £750 per day but he discounts for volume (number of days in a contract) and type of work (e.g. writing learning media and associated engagement/promotional media is £550 per day). He assumes being able to charge fees for no more than 120 consultancy days a year (this is his leeway calculation) which is based on all the time that is not chargeable and goes into marketing, administration, continuous professional development and travel and 120 days is about the consultancy norm.
He is unusual in stating charges up front and many would say this is a mistake but it works within his ‘up front’ personal style and the ethos of the business. He takes the same overall approach to pricing a product, hence the Rat Race Escape Kit CD which he sells direct through www.EntrepreneursUK.com retails at £14.95 even though it includes the ‘Essential Guide to Earning a Living from Independent Consultancy’ whilst the A4 bound version of the same ‘Essential Guide’ retails at £58 on Amazon (but there are volume discounts for companies, outplacement agencies who go direct to EntrepreneursUK).
So being price perfect is essential. Build the price up through unique customer value and differentiation and the above tips should ensure you don’t make the very common mistake of people going it alone for the first time by being ‘me-too’ or under pricing.
Finally - Solving the mystery of the missing £millions
Thank you my readers and fans for getting to this point. I will now reveal, from my interrogation of the two senior civil servants (the ‘Cowboy’ and the ‘Evangelist’) why entrepreneurs in the UK aren’t actually receiving the £millions of support that the government announce they will get.
I won’t report everything the two hooded lovers before me said as reported speech can be a bit tiresome. I have a friend, Lizzie, who does the ‘he said’, then ‘she said’ then ‘I said’ stuff for ages when trying to make a point and invariably forgets what point she was going to make.
I was allowed no longer than 40 minutes with the informants and apart from what I described about them in Segment 11, I didn’t really learn much about them as individuals. I could see they wore expensive suits, could see they were fit, particularly the ‘Cowboy’ and by their skin tone of their hands could see they probably enjoyed a leisurely outdoor lifestyle. By their hands touching and the occasional tiff during our interview I recognised their love for each other was probably genuine. I could only see their eyes and mouth through the hoods but I assumed they were both clean shaven too.
I did ask the ‘Cowboy’ if he’d ever been to New Bedford or Nantucket Island and he said he had. This was only because I spotted his gold cufflinks, which he rubbed regularly, as coming from the shops in that area. Nantucket and New Bedford will be about 850 kilometres due east of Toronto and are where the centre of the thriving American whaling industry was right up until the discovery of petroleum in 1859. After 1859 the US whaling fleet was soon decimated from its high of 700 vessels. Of course, America did as well subsequently in farming the new oil as it did in farming whales. What it couldn’t get from exploration it could get by acquisition. Anyway, the sperm whale symbol on the cufflinks of the ‘Cowboy’ was a giveaway.
Belief and Self determination for Natural Entrepreneurship
I do know that they are both deeply religious men and on numerous occasions they referred to their work being a mission from God and that God was their judge. I got the impression therefore that criticism from me or others about what they’d done and not done to help the UK’s entrepreneurs was regarded by them as meaningless. They made it clear what they did was their business and they answered to God alone. They promised that I’d also understand why any criticism was unjust when they explained the concept of natural entrepreneurship and how regions must self determine, within the framework they’ve provided, the support natural entrepreneurs should get and the sanctions unnatural entrepreneurs must suffer.
From time to time I could sense some tension between them. This usually occurred when the Evangelist became reticent about answering certain of my questions, he usually responded ‘I’d prefer not to go there’, to which the Cowboy would add ‘But you will, won’t you?’ Every now and again they’d also break off to whisper to each other, presumably to agree what they could and couldn’t say and I thought I heard the Cowboy whisper that he’d have to ‘get that from Rum and Condo’ but whether ‘Rum and Condo’ was a cocktail, animal, firm or people I wouldn’t know.
Interrogating the Informants – setting the scene
Initially I tried to break the ice by asking whether they’d find it hard living in a cave. They said no-one would ever find them but they would still be very active, and could even appear in and manage the media whenever they needed to. They said I wasn’t to think of their cave as a cold stark place because it was a warm luxurious nest from which they could pursue their hobbies undisturbed.
I moved on to explain my concern about entrepreneurship ‘know how’ and support being needed by 1 in 6 of the working population that will or do run their own enterprises. I explained how government regularly state that £billions were being committed to this but less than 5% of the 4.3 million small and home office business owners and the 460,000 start ups actually see any of this support. All they see is vast amounts of money being spent on new civil service infrastructures and processes, supposedly to support them, and publicity saying how good the infrastructures and processes are. In real terms it ends up as just tens of thousands of pounds in value that small business owners see.
Interrogating the informants – confirming initial evidence
I then went on to ask whether my theory, as expressed in Segment 7, that many millions of pounds that were originally intended for entrepreneurs actually went into funding a Care Home and providing activities and alcohol for the residents. I explained I was certain that the residents were troublesome civil servants that Ministers’ wanted to sideline.
They admitted this was correct but that it was their decision as to who went into the home not Ministers. They explained that they had a vision for what entrepreneurship was acceptable or ‘natural’ and what wasn’t. They had to sideline civil servants that supported ‘unnatural’ entrepreneurship. They also had to ensure that government support only went to natural entrepreneurs, including offenders and other enterprising individuals not currently in mainstream economic activity.
Rather than asking them to define natural entrepreneurship I asked whether there was any chance that money destined for the 4.3 million small and home office business owners in the UK was actually going to the 32,000 medium and large businesses. To my horror, they confirmed that most of it was and that ‘natural entrepreneurship’ starts at the top of the supply chain.
Large corporations that control the world’s natural resources and wealth understand most about natural entrepreneurship and it is their social and economic duty to ensure all the little business people follow their best practice. The Cowboy said I should understand that this mission for natural entrepreneurship is not just a UK aspiration but that a global transformation is in progress. The Evangelist explained that this was why government Ministers in the UK were told never to refer to programmes for small and home office businesses but to always refer to ‘SMEs’ or ‘Small and Medium Enterprises’. He asked me to consider 'what state the world would be in if we didn't train hundreds of civil servants on using diagnostics to filter out the 'disposables' and filter in those who are the 'natural' entrepreneurs and worthy of government support. This very necessary process and infrastructure costs a great deal of money.'
Interrogating the informants – shocked by the awful truth
In reality most of the government support goes to medium enterprises or larger small and medium enterprises that are actually connected or ultimately owned by large companies. They explained that history has shown that enterprises with 30 to 30,000 staff and whose staff meets many quality standards and who promote and select professional managers are more likely to be examples of natural entrepreneurship. In contrast ‘little enterprises led by unprofessional, often uneducated business owners often had few if any staff and could only really be regarded as dispensable’.
That last quote was from the Cowboy and I admit to being unnerved by his self assurance that his mad mission was the ‘only way to transform entrepreneurship into a force for good’. I asked what they meant by 'disposables'. Apparently this depends on the level of public profile, the millions of zero and low employee businesses are disposable in that they sink or swim without government intervention.
If they swim and are deemed 'unnatural' then regulation and taxation are summoned to destroy them. If they are high public profile, then apparently 'we used to arrange for them to have accidents, but now we just dispose of them and then pay look alikes (that we would have disposed of or are terminally ill) to play out a humiliating and end-game role so that they can be a warning example to others that may consider being high profile. I really wasn't sure at this point if their interventions to deal with market failure were limited to just business ownership, but I was certainly finding out where the missing £millions had gone. Interestingly, I also found that a great deal of this money had already gone overseas.
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You can purchase the ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ for only £14.95 at www.EntrepreneursUK.com and it includes my first book ‘Buzzing with the Entrepreneurs’.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Donkeys in Leggings on Brokeback Mountain - Segment 11
Leonora 3 Sir Jimmy 0
There is one good thing about leaving London for a few days to visit the UK’s entrepreneurial hot spot again. Scarborough can be relied upon to be a late adopter of the current fashion trends. Thankfully, Scarborough will not be aware yet that leggings are back this winter and spring, nor indeed that white is the new black. In fact I can get away with my Top Shop jeans as long as I wear my latest short mac by Jasper Conran, white naturally, my gold leather pumps by Jimmy Choo and my new lime green leather bag from Mulberry. So, I can safely leave my leggings to fend for themselves back in Chelsea. Furthermore, whatever I choose to wear, from the moment I step off the train, I’ll be recognised in Scarborough as the top celebrity I am. My only competition is Jimmy Savile and he wears tracksuits.
As a Canadian I can endure the winter weather on the North Yorkshire coast but I admit that I am breaking my promise, to my psychiatrist, not to see Tony Robinson again. That I must see him is because I am close to another break-through in my investigations as to where the missing £millions of government support are that were originally earmarked to support entrepreneurs and owners of small businesses in England. TR is to set up a clandestine meeting for me, in Scarborough, with two senior government officials. These officials are ready to spill the beans in return for my ensuring them a safe passage to a love nest, more of a cave actually, in the Pukaskwa National Park in Ontario.
They shoot donkeys don’t they?
I haven’t bored you with the lack of style, bad haircut and ramblings of Tony Robinson OBE for a long time. So may I remind you that he is not the famous Tony Robinson but the one who, and I’ll never forgive him, introduced me to waffles, miniature naval battles in Peasholm Park and black sheep (an ale apparently) in ‘sunny’ Scarborough. He’s the one that has no spatial awareness and has passed on his family trait, of spilling drink and food over everybody, to his unfortunate, but gorgeous, daughter.
He’s the one who only recently worked out where north was by positioning himself so that the sea is always on his right. This means all his car trips in a northerly direction are now by the coastal route. He’s the one that also pronounces every word badly so that ‘to coach’ sounds like ‘terkerch’ and his own name is unmistakably ‘Turney’. Far worse, he now horribly confuses commonly used phrases so that the new flexible licensing laws he admiringly refers to as ‘the all night drinking rules’ and, to the horror of a corporate dinner table recently, said someone was ‘so stuck up that she wouldn’t even give me the time of day or allow me a blow job’. How on earth ‘to blow my nose’ translates to this is beyond me but it’s also scaring the hell out of me that I seem to be coping better in his company.
For example, when I go to see Scarborough FC in their annual fight to both avoid relegation and score a goal in a home game, in a season, at the Theatre of Chips (McCain Stadium), I no longer hide behind my Burberry scarf and Oakleys. Last week I even, albeit weakly, smiled at the remarks from those standing (yes, standing!) with us near the corner flag. Every match the same incidents are followed by the same remarks and then the same raucous laughter and back slapping ensues as if they’ve just heard it for the first time. Such as when the substitutes are warming up near us, one of them will scream at them ‘if you lot can’t get in this team you must be rubbish. Why don’t you get back on our beach and join the other donkeys?’ I think I now understand why Yorkshire men are referred to as ‘dour’; it is probably the way Yorkshire women pronounce ‘dire’, referring to their humour.
Entrepreneurs take calculated risks and do things
Anyway for those of you still intent on ‘Stripping for Freedom’ and wanting to set up and run your own business, I do have a pearl of wisdom from him. Actually it is less of a pearl and more one of those plastic bits of ‘jewellery’ you get in a Christmas cracker and never know what to do with. Cue for strobe lights and drum roll; he had a thought the other day. This thought will also be of interest to my seriously deranged stalker who now seems to think that TR’s pronouncements hide coded love messages to me.
The thought goes: ‘Every successful entrepreneur I’ve met (this is the unsuccessful, badly suited and hirsute, bearded since a child, one speaking) has been a ‘rule’ breaker. This doesn’t necessarily mean knowingly breaching legislation, although if they checked out every action as to whether it was legal, they’d be broke because they’d never get anything done. No, breaking rules often means not worrying about whether anyone has done it before in that way and then just doing it and learning from experience.
This is often what big business, civil servants and publicly funded bodies regularly get wrong about entrepreneurs and small businesses. They think that advice from a top professional or big (and they usually are) corporate executive from higher up in the supply chain, will help the poor, amateurish and uneducated small business owner.
Professionals and executives in big organisations usually only find out that their advice is bollocks when they have to try setting up and running a small business for themselves. The existing small business owner will always have more practical insight than them in what it takes to run a small business. Few big company executives, or the consultants that advise them, are actually paid to take risks, be impetuous, passionate or innovative. Neither can they ever really care about the customer quite as much as the small business owner. Neither will they really understand value for money until it is their own money they’re playing with.
Beating up the Big Boys
They’re paid the big bucks for steadier, more professional traits like knowing more on a specialist subject than anyone else, management tools and tricks; strategy, planning, meeting and presenting and they spend most of their time handling internal politics. Even the gurus have recognised that one of the reasons for the continuing melt down of big companies is because they are just not as entrepreneurial as small businesses; they’re rule and precedent bound rather than breaking new ground. They just don’t have the same bias for action.
So, how can one person businesses beat the big companies in the same marketplace? By being quicker, more flexible and more focused and the area that this counts the most is with customers. Whilst the big companies are planning to do something different the small business owner can do it. If it goes wrong then no-one will get demoted and it will be done better next time. So throw away the corporate executive toolkit and instead do two things. One: ensure that whenever you get a new idea that you quickly research it (days rather than weeks), minimise the risks and then do it and then improve on it after you’ve done it. Two: ensure that at the end of every day you can say you’ve spent at least 55% of your time in trying to win new customers and/or keep existing customers.’
Straight out of Brokeback Mountain?
So much for the TR thought, now for the meeting with the two senior government officials. You’ll have to wait for the full transcript in my next blog segment, but in all my years as a top journalist and celebrity interviewer I have never been so frightened by what I heard that evening.
Actually that’s not true. I was scared stiff this morning, when I read an irresponsible article in the Metro that said ‘Regular ejaculations lower a man’s risk of prostate cancer … "between 13 and 20 times a month had a 14% lower chance of developing the cancer and that if you do it 33 times a month the figure rises to 33%."'
That is frightening and so frightening that I not only destroyed my copy of the free Metro but every other one at the rail station. This was in the vain hope that my current partner didn’t see the article and volunteer for this regime of preventative medicine. I think that the author of the piece, Jamie Walters, should be locked up for sexual incitement. A messy start to the day. Anyway, back to the two senior government officials.
I never saw their faces as they were hooded, but I learned a lot about them from their voices and hands. The hands especially; one was probably early to mid fifties and the other one, with the American accent, was probably late fifties to early sixties. The younger one I nicknamed the ‘Evangelist’ because of his, insistent but reasonable, yet preaching and paternalistic, tone. The little pads of skin on his fingertips were a giveaway that he spent much of his time playing the guitar. The butcher one, who I nicknamed the ‘Cowboy’, had hands befitting someone who didn't spend much time indoors, probably interested in country sports - hunting and shooting, that kind of thing.
They were clearly in love as their hands touched regularly; although the Cowboy kept reminding the Evangelist throughout that I hadn’t come there to keep hearing the Evangelist speak. Because they were hooded they weren’t immediately aware of my presence and as I sat down I realised they were debating what the criteria might be in order for England to be admitted as the ‘51st state of the USofA’. TR coughed, because he’d thrown the boiled sweet in the bin but swallowed the paper wrapper, and introduced me……………
If you're thinking of stripping for freedom and escaping the rat race then you need the 'Rat Race Escape Kit'. Only £14.95 at www.EntrepreneursUK.com
There is one good thing about leaving London for a few days to visit the UK’s entrepreneurial hot spot again. Scarborough can be relied upon to be a late adopter of the current fashion trends. Thankfully, Scarborough will not be aware yet that leggings are back this winter and spring, nor indeed that white is the new black. In fact I can get away with my Top Shop jeans as long as I wear my latest short mac by Jasper Conran, white naturally, my gold leather pumps by Jimmy Choo and my new lime green leather bag from Mulberry. So, I can safely leave my leggings to fend for themselves back in Chelsea. Furthermore, whatever I choose to wear, from the moment I step off the train, I’ll be recognised in Scarborough as the top celebrity I am. My only competition is Jimmy Savile and he wears tracksuits.
As a Canadian I can endure the winter weather on the North Yorkshire coast but I admit that I am breaking my promise, to my psychiatrist, not to see Tony Robinson again. That I must see him is because I am close to another break-through in my investigations as to where the missing £millions of government support are that were originally earmarked to support entrepreneurs and owners of small businesses in England. TR is to set up a clandestine meeting for me, in Scarborough, with two senior government officials. These officials are ready to spill the beans in return for my ensuring them a safe passage to a love nest, more of a cave actually, in the Pukaskwa National Park in Ontario.
They shoot donkeys don’t they?
I haven’t bored you with the lack of style, bad haircut and ramblings of Tony Robinson OBE for a long time. So may I remind you that he is not the famous Tony Robinson but the one who, and I’ll never forgive him, introduced me to waffles, miniature naval battles in Peasholm Park and black sheep (an ale apparently) in ‘sunny’ Scarborough. He’s the one that has no spatial awareness and has passed on his family trait, of spilling drink and food over everybody, to his unfortunate, but gorgeous, daughter.
He’s the one who only recently worked out where north was by positioning himself so that the sea is always on his right. This means all his car trips in a northerly direction are now by the coastal route. He’s the one that also pronounces every word badly so that ‘to coach’ sounds like ‘terkerch’ and his own name is unmistakably ‘Turney’. Far worse, he now horribly confuses commonly used phrases so that the new flexible licensing laws he admiringly refers to as ‘the all night drinking rules’ and, to the horror of a corporate dinner table recently, said someone was ‘so stuck up that she wouldn’t even give me the time of day or allow me a blow job’. How on earth ‘to blow my nose’ translates to this is beyond me but it’s also scaring the hell out of me that I seem to be coping better in his company.
For example, when I go to see Scarborough FC in their annual fight to both avoid relegation and score a goal in a home game, in a season, at the Theatre of Chips (McCain Stadium), I no longer hide behind my Burberry scarf and Oakleys. Last week I even, albeit weakly, smiled at the remarks from those standing (yes, standing!) with us near the corner flag. Every match the same incidents are followed by the same remarks and then the same raucous laughter and back slapping ensues as if they’ve just heard it for the first time. Such as when the substitutes are warming up near us, one of them will scream at them ‘if you lot can’t get in this team you must be rubbish. Why don’t you get back on our beach and join the other donkeys?’ I think I now understand why Yorkshire men are referred to as ‘dour’; it is probably the way Yorkshire women pronounce ‘dire’, referring to their humour.
Entrepreneurs take calculated risks and do things
Anyway for those of you still intent on ‘Stripping for Freedom’ and wanting to set up and run your own business, I do have a pearl of wisdom from him. Actually it is less of a pearl and more one of those plastic bits of ‘jewellery’ you get in a Christmas cracker and never know what to do with. Cue for strobe lights and drum roll; he had a thought the other day. This thought will also be of interest to my seriously deranged stalker who now seems to think that TR’s pronouncements hide coded love messages to me.
The thought goes: ‘Every successful entrepreneur I’ve met (this is the unsuccessful, badly suited and hirsute, bearded since a child, one speaking) has been a ‘rule’ breaker. This doesn’t necessarily mean knowingly breaching legislation, although if they checked out every action as to whether it was legal, they’d be broke because they’d never get anything done. No, breaking rules often means not worrying about whether anyone has done it before in that way and then just doing it and learning from experience.
This is often what big business, civil servants and publicly funded bodies regularly get wrong about entrepreneurs and small businesses. They think that advice from a top professional or big (and they usually are) corporate executive from higher up in the supply chain, will help the poor, amateurish and uneducated small business owner.
Professionals and executives in big organisations usually only find out that their advice is bollocks when they have to try setting up and running a small business for themselves. The existing small business owner will always have more practical insight than them in what it takes to run a small business. Few big company executives, or the consultants that advise them, are actually paid to take risks, be impetuous, passionate or innovative. Neither can they ever really care about the customer quite as much as the small business owner. Neither will they really understand value for money until it is their own money they’re playing with.
Beating up the Big Boys
They’re paid the big bucks for steadier, more professional traits like knowing more on a specialist subject than anyone else, management tools and tricks; strategy, planning, meeting and presenting and they spend most of their time handling internal politics. Even the gurus have recognised that one of the reasons for the continuing melt down of big companies is because they are just not as entrepreneurial as small businesses; they’re rule and precedent bound rather than breaking new ground. They just don’t have the same bias for action.
So, how can one person businesses beat the big companies in the same marketplace? By being quicker, more flexible and more focused and the area that this counts the most is with customers. Whilst the big companies are planning to do something different the small business owner can do it. If it goes wrong then no-one will get demoted and it will be done better next time. So throw away the corporate executive toolkit and instead do two things. One: ensure that whenever you get a new idea that you quickly research it (days rather than weeks), minimise the risks and then do it and then improve on it after you’ve done it. Two: ensure that at the end of every day you can say you’ve spent at least 55% of your time in trying to win new customers and/or keep existing customers.’
Straight out of Brokeback Mountain?
So much for the TR thought, now for the meeting with the two senior government officials. You’ll have to wait for the full transcript in my next blog segment, but in all my years as a top journalist and celebrity interviewer I have never been so frightened by what I heard that evening.
Actually that’s not true. I was scared stiff this morning, when I read an irresponsible article in the Metro that said ‘Regular ejaculations lower a man’s risk of prostate cancer … "between 13 and 20 times a month had a 14% lower chance of developing the cancer and that if you do it 33 times a month the figure rises to 33%."'
That is frightening and so frightening that I not only destroyed my copy of the free Metro but every other one at the rail station. This was in the vain hope that my current partner didn’t see the article and volunteer for this regime of preventative medicine. I think that the author of the piece, Jamie Walters, should be locked up for sexual incitement. A messy start to the day. Anyway, back to the two senior government officials.
I never saw their faces as they were hooded, but I learned a lot about them from their voices and hands. The hands especially; one was probably early to mid fifties and the other one, with the American accent, was probably late fifties to early sixties. The younger one I nicknamed the ‘Evangelist’ because of his, insistent but reasonable, yet preaching and paternalistic, tone. The little pads of skin on his fingertips were a giveaway that he spent much of his time playing the guitar. The butcher one, who I nicknamed the ‘Cowboy’, had hands befitting someone who didn't spend much time indoors, probably interested in country sports - hunting and shooting, that kind of thing.
They were clearly in love as their hands touched regularly; although the Cowboy kept reminding the Evangelist throughout that I hadn’t come there to keep hearing the Evangelist speak. Because they were hooded they weren’t immediately aware of my presence and as I sat down I realised they were debating what the criteria might be in order for England to be admitted as the ‘51st state of the USofA’. TR coughed, because he’d thrown the boiled sweet in the bin but swallowed the paper wrapper, and introduced me……………
If you're thinking of stripping for freedom and escaping the rat race then you need the 'Rat Race Escape Kit'. Only £14.95 at www.EntrepreneursUK.com
Friday, November 11, 2005
'Three in a bed isn't for softies' - Segment 10
Share-a-lodge-room.com
I met my favourite girlfriend, Michaela Shear-Dawson, or Mickey to me, when I first visited Scarborough. Although, not a celebrity, Mickey is well known in the business world as she has won many entrepreneur awards for her business, www.share-a-lodge-room.com. Like all great business ideas it is a simple idea which takes a proven format into a new sector. Realising the success of internet based businesses which put people together such as dating services, 'Friends Re-united', and share a car type sites along with sales agencies such as 'Top Table.com', which sells restaurant tables, Mickey just put these proven formulae together in her www.share-a-lodge-room.com.
Mickey saw a business opportunity in the fact that most Travel Lodges, Travel Inns, Premier Lodges, Days Inn and the like charge accomodation by the room not by the person. Her website gives the opportunity for someone about to stay in a lodge type room to contact other members through the website and see if 1 or 2 additional people want to share that room. This not only reduces the cost by half or two thirds to each individual, it can lead to romantic liaisons as a bonus. It's closer to bed dating than speed dating, although by all reports it's amazing how fast things can happen. Membership is just £5 a month so you don't have to be a regular traveller or dater to get your money's worth. It doesn't need advertising because everyone loves a bargain with the possibility of a new friendship or more as a bonus. Good news like this travels fast.
Client care
Another nifty idea, Mickey introduced, was a way of ensuring all her members behaved themselves. Each member as part of their welcome pack gets a good 'share a room' best practice guidelines booklet. They also get a battery powered bracelet. The bracelet, as a term of membership, must be worn at all times in the room. It has a traffic light system on it. As the new room mates get to know each other they can see the reaction they're getting by looking at their roommate(s)' bracelet. A red light always means no touching and not interested. Orange means no touching but could be interested. Green means proceed with circumspect touching. Naturally at any time the lights can switch back from green to red and then it's hands off again. The system isn't foolproof as those that are colour blind or just indecisive can have a fairly frantic night. Just like e-bay and Amazon, members are also rated against various criteria and this information appears against their name on the website. However, unlike e-bay or Amazon some members choose to room with people with low rather than high ratings.
Women Entrepreneur Conferences
As most of my discerning and admiring readers know, I have long dark brown hair with a dark purple highlight. However, Mickey has blonde hair and despite it being naturally blonde, it was only after becoming a dot.com millionaire with 'bargain-bonk.com', as it's known in the trade, that Mickey was taken seriously in the business world. I'm not altogether sure about whether conferences aimed solely at women entrepreneurs are a good idea or not. It can lead to distancing from an inclusive business world, greater stereotyping, bitchiness and a severe shoe bill. Introduce a man into the conference, either as a speaker or entertainer, and strange things can happen to them as they realise they're alone with 500 positive, strong and successful women.
At the Blackpool Hilton, just a few weeks ago where Mickey was winning another award, this time for her business contribution to the environment (savings on hotel heating), there was a perfect example of the parallel world created at women entrepreneur conferences.
The entertainer?
The after dinner entertainment was provided by a ventriloquist. Nearly 80% of the audience were blondes, but as I've said strange things happen to men in this environment. He clearly thought 'blonde' jokes would go down well. He was an excellent ventriloquist with a traditional cheeky chappie doll, but after 15 or more consecutive blonde gags, he was becoming very irksome. After the 'Why don't blondes work as lift attendants? They can't remember the route', followed by 'Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11? She didn't know which '1' came first' Michaela Shear-Dawson stood up to her full and imposing 5' 11" and in her poshest Scarborough accent, loudly said;
"This is quite appalling and you should be totally ashamed of yourself for both not researching your audience and for mistakenly believing that this discriminatory drivel is in the least amusing. The colour of my hair is part of my being, my style and my choice. Assigning behaviour or personality traits to someone because of the colour of their hair is childish in the extreme. It is as insulting and as despicable as you gaining cheap laughs based on gender, ethnicity or occupation. (By this time there was rapturous applause and each sentence was punctuated by cheers from the delegates). My colleagues in the room who share my hair colour are some of the most successful women in the business world. They also share the traits of courage, tenaciousness and a ferocious wit and intellect. These are all qualities that your act and appearance here tonight seem sadly lacking in. We are here to be recognised for our achievements and not marginalised for our appearance. You are a very sad pretender to the role of entertainer'
Mickey, after a whoop and a high-fives from me, sat down to riotous applause. The ventriloquist was the colour of porridge and clearly shock and awe struck. He muttered, almost sobbed, 'I'm dreadfully sorry it wasn't my inten....'. He couldn't get the words out before Michaela was on her feet again remonstrating 'Not you, you fool, that little fellow sat on your lap!'.
For once I was speechless.
See my first book 'Buzzing with Entrepreneurs' at www.EntrepreneursUK.com and you can also purchase the 'Rat Race Escape Kit' for only £14.95
I met my favourite girlfriend, Michaela Shear-Dawson, or Mickey to me, when I first visited Scarborough. Although, not a celebrity, Mickey is well known in the business world as she has won many entrepreneur awards for her business, www.share-a-lodge-room.com. Like all great business ideas it is a simple idea which takes a proven format into a new sector. Realising the success of internet based businesses which put people together such as dating services, 'Friends Re-united', and share a car type sites along with sales agencies such as 'Top Table.com', which sells restaurant tables, Mickey just put these proven formulae together in her www.share-a-lodge-room.com.
Mickey saw a business opportunity in the fact that most Travel Lodges, Travel Inns, Premier Lodges, Days Inn and the like charge accomodation by the room not by the person. Her website gives the opportunity for someone about to stay in a lodge type room to contact other members through the website and see if 1 or 2 additional people want to share that room. This not only reduces the cost by half or two thirds to each individual, it can lead to romantic liaisons as a bonus. It's closer to bed dating than speed dating, although by all reports it's amazing how fast things can happen. Membership is just £5 a month so you don't have to be a regular traveller or dater to get your money's worth. It doesn't need advertising because everyone loves a bargain with the possibility of a new friendship or more as a bonus. Good news like this travels fast.
Client care
Another nifty idea, Mickey introduced, was a way of ensuring all her members behaved themselves. Each member as part of their welcome pack gets a good 'share a room' best practice guidelines booklet. They also get a battery powered bracelet. The bracelet, as a term of membership, must be worn at all times in the room. It has a traffic light system on it. As the new room mates get to know each other they can see the reaction they're getting by looking at their roommate(s)' bracelet. A red light always means no touching and not interested. Orange means no touching but could be interested. Green means proceed with circumspect touching. Naturally at any time the lights can switch back from green to red and then it's hands off again. The system isn't foolproof as those that are colour blind or just indecisive can have a fairly frantic night. Just like e-bay and Amazon, members are also rated against various criteria and this information appears against their name on the website. However, unlike e-bay or Amazon some members choose to room with people with low rather than high ratings.
Women Entrepreneur Conferences
As most of my discerning and admiring readers know, I have long dark brown hair with a dark purple highlight. However, Mickey has blonde hair and despite it being naturally blonde, it was only after becoming a dot.com millionaire with 'bargain-bonk.com', as it's known in the trade, that Mickey was taken seriously in the business world. I'm not altogether sure about whether conferences aimed solely at women entrepreneurs are a good idea or not. It can lead to distancing from an inclusive business world, greater stereotyping, bitchiness and a severe shoe bill. Introduce a man into the conference, either as a speaker or entertainer, and strange things can happen to them as they realise they're alone with 500 positive, strong and successful women.
At the Blackpool Hilton, just a few weeks ago where Mickey was winning another award, this time for her business contribution to the environment (savings on hotel heating), there was a perfect example of the parallel world created at women entrepreneur conferences.
The entertainer?
The after dinner entertainment was provided by a ventriloquist. Nearly 80% of the audience were blondes, but as I've said strange things happen to men in this environment. He clearly thought 'blonde' jokes would go down well. He was an excellent ventriloquist with a traditional cheeky chappie doll, but after 15 or more consecutive blonde gags, he was becoming very irksome. After the 'Why don't blondes work as lift attendants? They can't remember the route', followed by 'Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11? She didn't know which '1' came first' Michaela Shear-Dawson stood up to her full and imposing 5' 11" and in her poshest Scarborough accent, loudly said;
"This is quite appalling and you should be totally ashamed of yourself for both not researching your audience and for mistakenly believing that this discriminatory drivel is in the least amusing. The colour of my hair is part of my being, my style and my choice. Assigning behaviour or personality traits to someone because of the colour of their hair is childish in the extreme. It is as insulting and as despicable as you gaining cheap laughs based on gender, ethnicity or occupation. (By this time there was rapturous applause and each sentence was punctuated by cheers from the delegates). My colleagues in the room who share my hair colour are some of the most successful women in the business world. They also share the traits of courage, tenaciousness and a ferocious wit and intellect. These are all qualities that your act and appearance here tonight seem sadly lacking in. We are here to be recognised for our achievements and not marginalised for our appearance. You are a very sad pretender to the role of entertainer'
Mickey, after a whoop and a high-fives from me, sat down to riotous applause. The ventriloquist was the colour of porridge and clearly shock and awe struck. He muttered, almost sobbed, 'I'm dreadfully sorry it wasn't my inten....'. He couldn't get the words out before Michaela was on her feet again remonstrating 'Not you, you fool, that little fellow sat on your lap!'.
For once I was speechless.
See my first book 'Buzzing with Entrepreneurs' at www.EntrepreneursUK.com and you can also purchase the 'Rat Race Escape Kit' for only £14.95
Sunday, August 14, 2005
My beauty and your beast - Segment 9
It’s a jungle out there – let me be your guide in the undergrowth.
Beauty and the beasts
I, Leonora Soculitherz, apart from being a media superstar, am a brilliant freelance journalist. I’m offered work for a fee and sometimes I can negotiate my own rate. I have a little grey, dull chap who looks after my accounts and handles my tax. In some ways my rather public humiliation of my nerdy, unfaithful, musical but not amusing husband, Gerard, helped my earnings. It led to my amazingly witty television appearances, boosted my book sales and led to editors everywhere, understandably, wanting my views on everything from muesli to moisturisers and wristbands to wallpaper.
I’ve never had to look too hard to find work or income, but I realise that very few professionals and executives reading this masterpiece have my natural assets or celebrity status. Hence, for this book on ‘stripping for freedom’, how you can escape the rat race and run your own business, I’ve interviewed hundreds of professionals and executives who have made the transition from employed to self employed.
The next few chapters will give you the practical tips that come from these interviews. I wasn’t surprised that they liken setting up and the first year of business to being on a journey through a jungle. I look wonderful in safari kit so let me be your guide through the undergrowth. Here are three tips on some animals to avoid, some to befriend and some to emulate.
Never attempt to charm the snakes
In the lead up to starting your business and during the first year of business you’ll encounter more snakes and scorpions than in the rest of your entrepreneurial lifespan. Many snakes and scorpions look friendly as they seem to promise you ‘possible’ work. They offer training, consultancy and advice to help you succeed. They can supply you with all sorts of business efficiency aids. They can make your new business and you look good by supplying vehicles, premises, technology, print, media and advertising. You’re easy prey and vulnerable.
They speak with forked tongue and will sting you. Their venom is not only poisonous to your financial well being, it depletes your energy levels, blurs your focus and bloats you up with stuff you don’t need. This all eats away at the time you should be spending with prospective customers. So, make a list of the people you need to charm and suppliers you really must deal with and don’t try and charm the rest. Learn to say ‘No, I haven’t got the time right now – thank you and goodbye’.
Surround yourself with cheeky monkeys
Some of the cute monkeys around you will also pickpocket your time and morale. They’ll find reasons why things can’t be done or won’t work. Worse they’ll waste your time by getting you to play games, the kind of games that the rats in the rat race play. These games stop you doing the things that are the lifeblood for starting and initially running your business, their games include ‘Endless, pointless meetings’, ‘Visions, strategies, plans and charts’ ‘Systems, processes, standards and management controls’, and ‘Rules, regulations and human resource management’. If you see any monkeys with ‘reasons why not’ or ‘corporate games’ then either cage them or send them to your competitors.
There’ll be a few of the monkeys that are friendly, supportive and fun to be with. They’ll pickpocket, from your competitors, ideas and practices that will work for you. They’ll find ways of climbing or swinging over obstacles. Above all, they’ll make you laugh and keep you going through the long hours you’ll need to work. Surround yourself with these cheeky monkeys.
Learn from the dominant lion
The people you should learn from are people that have achieved something similar to what you want to achieve. There is a lifestyle in the jungle that I naturally disapprove of but it is a lifestyle that I’ve been informed that male and female aspiring entrepreneurs should learn from. This unlikely role model is the dominant, male lion. Successful entrepreneurs are often disliked because of their continual hunger for more success. Success breeds success. Everything that is sacrificed and all the long hours worked are worth it in order to ‘make the kill’ of gaining enough profitable work to ensure future success.
The ultimate aim of the prospective entrepreneur is often to get to the same position, within a couple of years, as the dominant male in a pride of lions. Once you’re the dominant lion it is the rest of the pride that does the work to get the kill. You get the best share of the meals, all the sex and get to do all the serious roaring.
There’s a lot more free resource to potential entrepreneurs and the ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ available at www.entrepreneursuk.com
Beauty and the beasts
I, Leonora Soculitherz, apart from being a media superstar, am a brilliant freelance journalist. I’m offered work for a fee and sometimes I can negotiate my own rate. I have a little grey, dull chap who looks after my accounts and handles my tax. In some ways my rather public humiliation of my nerdy, unfaithful, musical but not amusing husband, Gerard, helped my earnings. It led to my amazingly witty television appearances, boosted my book sales and led to editors everywhere, understandably, wanting my views on everything from muesli to moisturisers and wristbands to wallpaper.
I’ve never had to look too hard to find work or income, but I realise that very few professionals and executives reading this masterpiece have my natural assets or celebrity status. Hence, for this book on ‘stripping for freedom’, how you can escape the rat race and run your own business, I’ve interviewed hundreds of professionals and executives who have made the transition from employed to self employed.
The next few chapters will give you the practical tips that come from these interviews. I wasn’t surprised that they liken setting up and the first year of business to being on a journey through a jungle. I look wonderful in safari kit so let me be your guide through the undergrowth. Here are three tips on some animals to avoid, some to befriend and some to emulate.
Never attempt to charm the snakes
In the lead up to starting your business and during the first year of business you’ll encounter more snakes and scorpions than in the rest of your entrepreneurial lifespan. Many snakes and scorpions look friendly as they seem to promise you ‘possible’ work. They offer training, consultancy and advice to help you succeed. They can supply you with all sorts of business efficiency aids. They can make your new business and you look good by supplying vehicles, premises, technology, print, media and advertising. You’re easy prey and vulnerable.
They speak with forked tongue and will sting you. Their venom is not only poisonous to your financial well being, it depletes your energy levels, blurs your focus and bloats you up with stuff you don’t need. This all eats away at the time you should be spending with prospective customers. So, make a list of the people you need to charm and suppliers you really must deal with and don’t try and charm the rest. Learn to say ‘No, I haven’t got the time right now – thank you and goodbye’.
Surround yourself with cheeky monkeys
Some of the cute monkeys around you will also pickpocket your time and morale. They’ll find reasons why things can’t be done or won’t work. Worse they’ll waste your time by getting you to play games, the kind of games that the rats in the rat race play. These games stop you doing the things that are the lifeblood for starting and initially running your business, their games include ‘Endless, pointless meetings’, ‘Visions, strategies, plans and charts’ ‘Systems, processes, standards and management controls’, and ‘Rules, regulations and human resource management’. If you see any monkeys with ‘reasons why not’ or ‘corporate games’ then either cage them or send them to your competitors.
There’ll be a few of the monkeys that are friendly, supportive and fun to be with. They’ll pickpocket, from your competitors, ideas and practices that will work for you. They’ll find ways of climbing or swinging over obstacles. Above all, they’ll make you laugh and keep you going through the long hours you’ll need to work. Surround yourself with these cheeky monkeys.
Learn from the dominant lion
The people you should learn from are people that have achieved something similar to what you want to achieve. There is a lifestyle in the jungle that I naturally disapprove of but it is a lifestyle that I’ve been informed that male and female aspiring entrepreneurs should learn from. This unlikely role model is the dominant, male lion. Successful entrepreneurs are often disliked because of their continual hunger for more success. Success breeds success. Everything that is sacrificed and all the long hours worked are worth it in order to ‘make the kill’ of gaining enough profitable work to ensure future success.
The ultimate aim of the prospective entrepreneur is often to get to the same position, within a couple of years, as the dominant male in a pride of lions. Once you’re the dominant lion it is the rest of the pride that does the work to get the kill. You get the best share of the meals, all the sex and get to do all the serious roaring.
There’s a lot more free resource to potential entrepreneurs and the ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ available at www.entrepreneursuk.com
7/7 - Segment 8
7/7
Just over a month has passed but the sick, sad, hopeless feeling remains. I was there and lucky. I think about the dead or wounded – most were always seconds away from me – wrong place, wrong time – mostly drawn to Kings Cross underground in the morning rush hour because we all have to earn a crust. The newspaper photographs make each lucky survivor cry. Many of us still here are beyond the victims’ time with less talent and joy left to give. Many of them, like thousands of us, will have always hated tubes and trains. We’re always hoping for the meeting to be cancelled or the trip to be postponed and, selfishly, never more so than now. For thirty years, from the IRA bombings, through train and tube disasters, we’ve always known the underground might be our tomb.
So, there was calm acceptance, no surprise, as we evacuated Kings Cross and no surprise as we saw the shocked and walking wounded at Russell Square tube. But I swear the blood drained from everyone’s face, and the shock remains with us today, from the bang of the blown up bus behind us. By now we were watching the telly and sipping our cappuccinos, just a stone’s throw away in ‘Night and Day’ in Upper Woburn Place.
We stayed put and impotent. How I wish I’d learned first aid. What use is writing when there are bodies to be mended and minds to be calmed? So, bloody useless – you want to help but you can’t dredge up anything useful you can do.
And the television presenter still told us about a suspected power surge and the pictures still showed the scenes of an hour previous. Damn this ‘official’ manipulation of the media – we’ve been sickened by it for years from every country the US decides to carpet bomb for wealth or ‘regime change’ or ‘to democratise’ or ‘strike first’ or whatever sound bite rationale works best for this omnipotent ‘grand acquisitor’*. Here we hated the trickery on Ireland, WMD and Kelly but somehow media manipulation and government spin has always hurt more when you immediately know the truth.
Within hours I was walking away from the carnage towards Oxford Street, now a film set ghost town, brightly lit with a teeth searing, ear piercing, soundtrack of sirens and helicopters. 7.5 hours later I was drinking London Pride, appropriate I felt, in one of the few bars still open. 24 hours later I was walking through London, not yet brave enough to use the underground, going to a pointless meeting where people would pontificate, pout and preen and be ‘strategic’ to earn a crust whilst useful, real workers, hero-citizens are mining the tunnels to find those that no longer could.
So, if ever there was a day to understand fate but vow to control what one can control of your ‘working’ destiny – this was it. It may be a time to think about leaving the rat race and stripping for freedom. It may be a time to stop commuting, even work from home. It may be a time to fully utilise your talents, sacrificing earnings and status for something more worthwhile. It may be a time to give support and joy to others. It may be a time to start a new entrepreneurial journey with you at the wheel. A month on though, each new journey of mine still comes with a bloodless companion.
* ‘grand acquisitor’ is a term coined by Philip Gigantes in the excellent book ‘Power and Greed – a short history of the world’
There’s a lot more help for professionals and executives going it alone, including the new ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ at www.entrepreneursuk.com
Just over a month has passed but the sick, sad, hopeless feeling remains. I was there and lucky. I think about the dead or wounded – most were always seconds away from me – wrong place, wrong time – mostly drawn to Kings Cross underground in the morning rush hour because we all have to earn a crust. The newspaper photographs make each lucky survivor cry. Many of us still here are beyond the victims’ time with less talent and joy left to give. Many of them, like thousands of us, will have always hated tubes and trains. We’re always hoping for the meeting to be cancelled or the trip to be postponed and, selfishly, never more so than now. For thirty years, from the IRA bombings, through train and tube disasters, we’ve always known the underground might be our tomb.
So, there was calm acceptance, no surprise, as we evacuated Kings Cross and no surprise as we saw the shocked and walking wounded at Russell Square tube. But I swear the blood drained from everyone’s face, and the shock remains with us today, from the bang of the blown up bus behind us. By now we were watching the telly and sipping our cappuccinos, just a stone’s throw away in ‘Night and Day’ in Upper Woburn Place.
We stayed put and impotent. How I wish I’d learned first aid. What use is writing when there are bodies to be mended and minds to be calmed? So, bloody useless – you want to help but you can’t dredge up anything useful you can do.
And the television presenter still told us about a suspected power surge and the pictures still showed the scenes of an hour previous. Damn this ‘official’ manipulation of the media – we’ve been sickened by it for years from every country the US decides to carpet bomb for wealth or ‘regime change’ or ‘to democratise’ or ‘strike first’ or whatever sound bite rationale works best for this omnipotent ‘grand acquisitor’*. Here we hated the trickery on Ireland, WMD and Kelly but somehow media manipulation and government spin has always hurt more when you immediately know the truth.
Within hours I was walking away from the carnage towards Oxford Street, now a film set ghost town, brightly lit with a teeth searing, ear piercing, soundtrack of sirens and helicopters. 7.5 hours later I was drinking London Pride, appropriate I felt, in one of the few bars still open. 24 hours later I was walking through London, not yet brave enough to use the underground, going to a pointless meeting where people would pontificate, pout and preen and be ‘strategic’ to earn a crust whilst useful, real workers, hero-citizens are mining the tunnels to find those that no longer could.
So, if ever there was a day to understand fate but vow to control what one can control of your ‘working’ destiny – this was it. It may be a time to think about leaving the rat race and stripping for freedom. It may be a time to stop commuting, even work from home. It may be a time to fully utilise your talents, sacrificing earnings and status for something more worthwhile. It may be a time to give support and joy to others. It may be a time to start a new entrepreneurial journey with you at the wheel. A month on though, each new journey of mine still comes with a bloodless companion.
* ‘grand acquisitor’ is a term coined by Philip Gigantes in the excellent book ‘Power and Greed – a short history of the world’
There’s a lot more help for professionals and executives going it alone, including the new ‘Rat Race Escape Kit’ at www.entrepreneursuk.com
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