As the £1,4 billion Train to Gain scheme bit the dust. in the Spending Review, 75,000 newly funded apprenticeships were announced. There are four reasons why there have been no protests from companies about the loss of Train to Gain. Firstly, in the main the usual suspect larger employers received over 90% of this funding 2)Train to Gain funded training is training these usual suspects would have done anyway especially of training that was legally mandated 3) they've spent the money 4) the same usual suspect companies will expect to scoop the bulk of the 75,000 apprenticeships funding.
Whilst government could create rules that only fund apprenticeships for micro enterprises that are within their first eighteen months of trading (this is where the growth will come from) it is unlikely they will. So micro enterprise owners need to get cannier at looking and talking more like a usual suspect company in order to win government funded support and training. In this first of an occasional series we look at 'Talk the Walk' - speaking the right language.
In order to get their fair share of government funded business and skills support small, micro enterprise owners and the self employed need to learn the lingo of the corporates and senior civil servants. Simply memorise this easy to learn little ditty and you'll always have in your mind an impressive phrase to use when meeting government representatives. Wear a suit (men and women) and you're sure to become an attractive proposition for government funded business and skills support.
JUGGLING TOO MANY BALLS
It was the end of the day but I felt I was under the radar. I needed to make a paradigm shift so I pushed the needle. Out of the window of opportunity I thought I saw an elephant in a room shooting the puppy. I looped back and found the elephant before it swallowed the frog or screwed the pooch. Then I made sure I'd got all my ducks in a row. Just in time I remembered I was a vegetarian so it was case of just-add-water before feeding through the pipeline.
I knew I needed a better view so I chose to drill up on a strategic staircase and follow that with a spot of helicoptering. That was my opportunity for some blue sky thinking and on our way to touch base there was just time for some singing off the same hymn sheet before drilling down for an idea shower.
After my idea shower I got into bed with a prime mover and serious player. It was heads up, belly up, no navel gazing and sprinkle the magic. After sprinkling our magic we went bottom fishing for desk yeti. We then jumped the shark and wrong sided the demographic. Perhaps it was a case of juggling too many balls but after a brain detox we thought outside the box, picked low hanging fruit and at the end of the day could knife and fork it.
(please note: the wonderfully funny and useful guide to enterprise 'Stripping for Freedom' -available at amazon.co.uk - has a glossary explaining the meaning of each of these phrases but it's unlikely that the officials, managers and leaders that you meet, whilst being familiar with all of them, will know what any of them mean.)
